This is What a Good Old Fashioned Red Sox Collapse Feels Like

Julio Cortez. Shutterstock Images.

The Red Sox are in the process of collapsing before our eyes. Which is to say, before the eyes of the Massholes who have actually been going to the games, since last weekend they were significantly outnumbered by Yankees fans while their team got swept. Then, in a have-to-have-it series against the worst team in baseball in a largely empty ballpark in Baltimore, they dropped two out of three. With the last loss to a rookie who came into the game with a 8.31 ERA, gave up a homer on the first pitch of the game, and didn't give up another run in his 6.0-inning victory. That loss was their fifth in their last six games after a seven game wins streak put them in control of the Wild Card race.

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I say this not to sound like I'm wallowing in the misery. I am saddened by this free fall, not gladdened. Nor am I one of these decrepit, out of touch, anachronistic hacks still pushing the narrative that this team will always break your heart like it's 1999 all over again. One of the things that made Barstool a the social and cultural institution is we were pushing back against that horseshit when it was still being peddled as relevant while the team was winning rings and competing every year. 

What I am saying is that we know what a total collapse looks like when we see it. The 2011 one, when they went 7-20 in September might have been 10 years ago (and more than redeemed by the 2013 and '18 championships), but it's still fresh in most people's minds just because it was such a memorable failure. In fact, the Orioles immediately made 2011 hero Robert Andino their Twitter avatar after last night's game. 

As such, Red Sox Massholes know how to act in times like these. I mean, ideally not like this total degenerate from 2015:

Because, while I appreciate her being a brand ambassador, promoting Masshole culture throughout the world - and that was one magic loogie - we've got to be better. Play like a champion today. 

That said, unless you're under the age of 12, you've seen a Red Sox team implode. You should know how it looks and feels. And this is exactly what the experience is like. The difference between this one and some of the much worse ones is that, after four championships in a span of 14 years, we have the luxury of just strapping ourselves into the car on this particular thrill ride and enjoying the stomach-turning, nauseating spectacle of feeling the bottom fall out from under you, knowing there's no reason to puke your brains out this time. In a weird way, it's almost comforting. Maybe even a nostalgia trip. 

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All I know for sure is it will be completed by the time the Patriots are playing the biggest regular season game in the history of New England sports. And when it is, it'll be a merciful end.