As A Kid, I Expected "Stop, Drop, and Roll" To Be A Major Part Of My Everyday Life

-If I was ranking the things I remember learning about the most in elementary school and high school, they would be: World War II and the holocaust, slavery and the civil rights movement. Maybe some bath. And then what to do if there’s a fire. There were so many fire drills. So many presentations from firefighters. I remember thinking “stop, drop, and roll” was going to be a major part of my life. I was prepared for adulthood to mainly just be a constant of cycle of surviving fires. We went over the protocol SO MUCH. I imagine school board meetings are just “Alright let’s set the curriculum for this year: Math, history, science, what to do in a fire obviously, english, social studies. And I said the fire thing already right?” 

-I find it pointless for a waiter or waitress to ask “Have you been here before?” at the start of your meal. It really doesn’t really matter whether you say yes or no. Nothing changes based on your answer. And even if I haven’t been to that specific place before, I have certainly been to restaurants before. And they’re all pretty much the same. I think I have the hang of it by now. As long as there's not some crazy twist where you have to fight to the death between your appetizer and entree, I think I'll be alright. 

-My dream in life is to go to a fashion show one day and a model starts to walk down the runway, but maybe she’s new and inexperienced and she gets really nervous and says “Oh no I can’t do this!” and runs off the stage. And then the whole crowd is quiet, I perk up, and say “More like a run-away model!” And then everyone ERUPTS in laughter. Maybe a Tommy chant breaks out in the crowd and people lift me on their shoulders? One of the models is like “You’re the funniest man ever, marry me!” and we live a happy life together and start a beautiful family and my firstborn is a son who can carry on the Scibelli family name. I'm an only child and the only male cousin on either side of my family so there's a really a ton of pressure on me to have a son and continue the Scibelli family legacy. So I REALLY need this scenario to happen. 

-It’s crazy that the white tank top undershirt has two pretty offensive nicknames. You can’t refer to that item of clothing without feeling like you’re maybe saying something wrong. You can call it a guinea tee (I can say it, I’m Italian). Or if you’re not comfortable with that, your other option is wife beater. And neither feels particularly good off the tongue. So you have to choose: do I be insensitive towards Italians or domestic abuse? Personally, I stick with calling it a guinea tee. 

-It’s pretty weird how there’s just no rhyme or reason to the consistency of our seatbelt laws. If you’re in a car, wear it. Unless you’re a passenger in a taxi then forget it. Buses you’re usually in the clear. Trains? Don’t be fucking ridiculous. Obviously you don't need them. Planes? Well, planes get interesting. You gotta look at a little flashing light and obey whatever that says. There's just not a shred of common sense that goes into these decisions.

Thank you for your time. 

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