Barstool College Football Show Presented By FTX - Week 8 LIVE from Bloomington, INTUNE IN - 4PM ET

Luis Suarez Is The Worst

I know nobody cares about my soccer takes but that's not going to stop me from complaining about Luis Suarez and that bullshit phantom handball in the 97th minute. Fuck that guy to hell and the official can go right with him. 33-1 parlay flushed right down the drain on the back of some cosmic existential power my senses are too dull and limited to identify. I just know its there. Something somewhere following me and watching me and ensuring my eternal unhappiness with parlay cards. There's certainly worse lots in life but this one stinks right now. Good thing all my action is responsible and appropriately budgeted. 

Following a parlay just hits different. I take it way more personal. Gets the blood flowing and my brain working so much harder than your typical card. Don't think for one second this discourages me from dipping into more exotic multi-team plays. If anything it pushes my resolve to come back bigger faster stronger. Sharpen the pencils until the paper rips kinda sharp. That's how you stick it to Luis Suarez in the long run. Just wait and see. 

In the meantime, it's worth pointing out that I'm enjoying the Champions League in my first conscious attempt at following it. It used to be very intimidating trying to sort out all the scheduling and nomenclature. I'm a sucker for not dipping my feet in sooner but I'm also not a sucker because I don't marinate in regret. I move forward, and I'm doing so with a deep appreciation for European club level soccer. I feel like there are a lot of similar people out there that would enjoy this action but don't know where to start. 

For me it was born out of not sleeping anymore. Like I legit just don't sleep. I can't remember the last time I had REM. Two years? Just living in this constant state of slightly tired but not enough to rest like a normal human. Ipso facto I'm wide awake at alarming hours on the weekends looking for shit to do. I feel like this is a traditional narrative for the growth in American fanbases. Men transitioning into middle aged adulthood and enjoying their coffee with a calm sunrise and some light action on the EPL. Then of course if you studied abroad it's practically in your blood but I never studied abroad. I was representing my university in athletic contests and couldn't get the time off. 

Even without the opportunity to post a RANDOM BARCA album to Facebook, I still find time to enjoy this sport. So much so that I hope to one day pick a team and buy a scarf and act like it means something to me. Whether or not it ever will, let's not forget the Bears and Illini combined for 22 punts this weekend and 0 touchdowns. Both long snappers have been named captains for next week. It's pretty bad. If I want to throw some emotions behind soccer then I'll do just that, but I'm still taking time to figure my allegiance. For now it's worth noting that Luis Suarez will be on the opposite end of my support. 

Fuck that guy.