One of the pure joys of adulthood is placing your groceries in your car, closing the trunk, locating the nearest car return area that is taking up a perfectly good parking space, and yeeting that motherfucker 98 mph and causing a most calamitous crash. It gives you the feeling of being a responsible, positive member of society with a tinge of a rebel edge of chucking a heavy piece of metal into several other pieces of metal.
But even with my lifetime of parking lot experiences, I've never once witnessed such grace and finesse. If this was a golf trick shot handled in the exact same manner I could only assume this gentleman was the head groundskeeper with how well he knew the terrain. Considering this is a paved parking lot attached to a store of some sort, I can't imagine that is the case here, leading his expertise on the breaks and speed to be all that more impressive. When he first pushed this thing I thought he was short, mostly because of everything I said in the first stanza of this blog. Paragraph would be a generous designation for those meager sentences. Anywho, due to the fact that I've never seen one thrown with anything less than a violent velocity, I assumed it had no chance of reaching its intended destination. Which would make for a strange video to end up on the internet because who the fuck posts their misses? No one, that's who. Watching the break, the straighten out, the perfect settling into the return area, it was like watching a swan glide gracefully into a pond with barely a flutter of its wings, making barely a splash as to not upset the water. Rock on, Mr. Graceful Shopping Cart Return Man.