4th of July Collection | Now Available at the Barstool StoreSHOP HERE


Lighten the Fuck Up! The Young Farmer and the Older Woman...

martinedoucet. Getty Images.

A young farmer took his old Dodge pickup truck in for some much needed repairs. The local mechanic couldn't work on it until later in the day. So, because he didn't live far, he decided to walk home and return later when his truck was fixed… 

On the way home, he stopped at the hardware store where he bought a metal bucket and a gallon of house paint. Then he decided to stop at the feed store where he picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. When he got outside the feed store he suddenly realized he had a dilemma, how was he gonna carry everything home? 

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a petite older woman with gray hair who told him she was lost and in a soft voice she asked politely, "Can you tell me how to get to 387 Old Farm Road?" 

"Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would gladly walk you there, but I'm having a little trouble trying to carry all this stuff I just bought…." 

"Why don't you put the can of paint in the metal bucket," suggested the older woman, "carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the goose with your other hand…"

"Why thank you very much" the young farmer replied, and after he had everything secured in the manner the older woman described, he proceeded to walk her to the address she requested. On the way, he began losing his hold on the two chickens and that's when he decided to alter his route. "Let's take a shortcut and cut through this alley. We'll be there in no time." 

The older woman looked him over cautiously and then in a more definitive tone she declared, "I'm a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"

"Holy smokes lady!", the young farmer snapped, "I'm carrying a metal bucket, a gallon of house paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

"Well, if you were to do such a thing" the older woman explained, “you could set the goose down, cover him with the metal bucket, put the house paint on top of the metal bucket, and I could hold the two chickens…”

* Vindog has been repurposing jokes since 1968