La'el Collins Has Been Suspended 5 Games For Trying To Bribe The NFL's Drug-Test Guy

 

ESPN - Dallas Cowboys right tackle La'el Collins was suspended after trying to bribe the league's drug-test collector, sources told ESPN.

Players cannot be suspended for positive marijuana tests under the NFL's collective bargaining agreement, but Collins' issue was multiple missed tests and trying to bribe the test collector, sources said.

Collins is not the first NFL player to attempt to circumvent the league's drug-test policy. In 2013, the NFL suspended Denver Broncos star Von Miller six games after he was caught attempting to corrupt the drug-test program with the help of a urine collector.

The suspension will cost Collins roughly $2 million and, per the CBA, voids the injury guarantee worth $6.48 million in his 2022 salary.

 

I want to write a biased blog because I hate the Cowboys. I want to say La'el has besmirched the good name of the NFL and their drug testing policy by trying to bribe the poor drug-test collector. The guy is just trying to feed his family and La'el Collins is threatening to decapitate him and bribe him?! Sad!

But unfortunately, I can't do that right now. I just can't. Maybe it's the early morning birds chirping outside my window, but this has gotta be the first likable thing a Dallas player has done in 30 years, ironically enough going back to the Cocaine Cowboys days when they were doing lines in the locker room before, during, and after games. Every sneeze looked like Lambeau in the winter. The good ol' days.

So as much as it pains me to say it, I respect this move out of ol' La'el Collins. He recently signed a 5 year, $50,000,000 contract with a $9,000,000 signing bonus, so he could afford to break off a few shekels for the man collecting his piss. As it turns out he wasn't suspended for testing positive though, it was for missing tests...so I think he tried to do the thing when your friend signs you into class even if you aren't there. And if you're drug test guy, wyd man? Just take the $100k and go on with your life. Sheesh. Roger Goodell ain't throwing you a ticker-tape parade, but you can throw yourself one with that bribe. Shit, negotiate yourself some season tickets too while you're at it. Whatever you want. 

But since La'el's bribe failed, he loses $2 mil this year and "voids the injury guarantee worth $6.48 million in his 2022 salary" (not sure what that part means). 

You know what, after typing that tiny paragraph, I think I'm flip-flopping on my take. I put this all on La'el Collins shitty ability to bribe. This is the correct take. Took me a minute to get here, but I've landed on it. I gotta wonder how many players are seamlessly bribing the drug testers and we never hear about it. I think Collins just offered a shitty amount and the drug test guy stood his ground. Come with a better offer next time and save yourself $2 million. This ain't drug test guy's first rodeo. And now word gets around the league that this guy's price of business just went up. The other players will hear how La'el Collins' bribe failed and they won't want to make that mistake. It's a good day to be drug test guy. Damn.