Live EventWin or Go Home, New York and Indiana Fans Face Off for Game 7 | Live from the Barstool Gambling CaveWatch Now
Barstool Golf Time | Book Tee Times & Earn Free Barstool Golf MerchDOWNLOAD NOW

Advertisement

A New Homeowner Finds a Creepy Doll Inside His Walls With an Even Creepier Murder Note

Source - A UK man made a shocking discovery inside a wall of his newly acquired home — a spooky doll holding a note declaring that she had stabbed the previous owners back in 1961.

“Thank you for freeing me!” reads the note that schoolteacher Jonathan Lewis, 32, found with “Emily” in a plastered-up cavity under the stairs in his Walton house, the Liverpool Echo reported.

“My original owners lived in this house in 1961. I didn’t like them so they had to go. All they did was sing and be merry. It was sickening. Stabbing was my choice of death for them so I hope you have knives,” the mysterious missive says.

“Hope you sleep well,” adds the note. ...

“I think it’s just a laugh. The letter says 1961 but the estate agent said when she was showing me around that the kitchen was only done four or five years ago,” the homeowner told the news outlet.

Advertisement

Oh, the kitchen was redone five years ago, Jonathan Lewis? You mean this note is factually inaccurate because the date doesn't gibe with the timeline on the last construction project? Well then. Problem solved! No need to worry about a little matter like a child's plaything inside your walls confessing to stabbing murders! Nothing to worry about. Sleep tight in the cozy confines of your new home, sweet home. 

Seriously, what kind of a person just shrugs this off? Simply takes it as a great gag from those noted practical jokesters, home remodeling carpenters? Just harmless shenanigans from those madcap guys in the tool belts. Like somehow the fact that it might - repeat might - have been put in there in the Obama years instead of the Kennedy administration somehow makes it less creepy that there was a doll confessing to stabbing deaths behind your drywall. 

Fuck that noise. I don't care how much I put down or what I stand to lose in closing costs if I flip the place, there's not a chance I spend a single night in this accursed dwelling. I'd do just what Eddie Murphy talked about:

And I say that as a white guy. I'd have been out of there before I got to the "freeing me!" part. I wouldn't care if the rest of the note was a treasure map or said reading it will bring you good luck like the money angels the older woman in the office used to send around. At best, old dolls are creepy. At worst, they're demonic and possessed and out to slice your throat in the middle of the night. Like one of the top 10 all time "Twilight Zones," the one where Telly Savalas was being terrorized by Talking Tina. 

That one still haunts me any time I'm in someone's house and they have an antique doll. I'd sleep in my car in the middle of the city before I'd ever spend a night in a place that had one. So while I like a great gag as much as the next guy, whoever left that in the wall deserves to be tormented by this thing in Hell for all eternity. That is, assuming Emily didn't crawl up in there herself after wiping out an entire family. That's what my money is on. Either way, that place needs to be burned to the ground and the ashes need to be rocketed into the sun. Along with that godforsaken toy. 

Advertisement