I used to fucking love these when Dan and Keith used to do them. And I've missed them on Monday mornings so decided to bring them back.
Here's everything that happened this weekend in the AFC.
Arizona Cardinals At Tennessee Titans -3
This one did not go how most people envisioned it.
Especially Derrick Henry.
Chandler Jones went fuckin off in the first qtr. Setting the pace for a historic day.
Arizona scored the first 17 points and moved the ball almost at will against Tennessee. Murray either bought time scrambling around until he could find an open receiver or just kept the ball.
Derrick Henry went off on the team before halftime
Remember when the Patriots thought Chandler Jones was done?
With 1:30 remaining in the first half Ryan Tannehill finally remembered his team acquired Julio Jones in the off season
Who saw the Cards boat racing the Titans today?
Minnesota Vikings at Cincinnati Bengals +3
We were reminded almost right off the bat that Good God is Joe Burrow good
Jacksonville Jaguars at Houston Texans +2.5
2 hours before the game this report leaked
And that was pretty much a precursor for what was to come.
Things did not go well for Urban and co. in this one.
But on the positive side, what a fuckin day for Tyrod Taylor
We got to see Trevor’s first NFL tuddy
Also good to see Brandin Cooks is still getting it done
By the end of it, the chatter was all about Urban
Pittsburgh Steelers at Buffalo Bills -6.5
Cole Beasley had a tough first half
Chase Claypool is a freak show
I know he was a second-rounder, so not exactly a diamond in the rough, but did anybody see this guy being the second coming of Antonio Brown? He just looks better and better every game and there's no telling where his ceiling is.
As for the Bills, they looked like they were sleepwalking.
They jumped out to an early lead, but things went downhill from there.
Which sucks because Orchard Park was fucking rocking.
Josh Allen showed a few flashes
But TJ Watt was a fuckin menace, hounding him all-day
You just can't expect to get outscored 17-6 in the 4th qtr at home and expect to win.
Also, special teams mistakes always kill you
Seattle Seahwaks at Indianapolis Colts +3
This one saw the same old Russell Wilson who couldn't have looked more comfortable in his snazzy new offense. He threw three of his four touchdown passes in the first half
Wentz didn't look terrible
but Seattle's defense clamped down in the second half as the Seahawks pulled away for a 28-16 season-opening victory at Indianapolis.
Cleveland Browns at Kansas City Chiefs -6
Before kickoff, Baker Mayfield took to twitter to remind us that real winners don't talk the talk, they walk the walk. Like him.
This game was the epitome of why Cleveland can't have nice things.
The Browns came out flying.
Maybe a little too charged up
But in the end, The Browns were the Browns
Miami Dolphins at New England Patriots -3
This game marked the beginning of the Mac Jones dick suck campaign. LOT of people on the Mac train heading into this season. But I'll admit, the kid looked good.
But on the other side, Tua Tagovailoa finished 16 of 27 for 202 yards, a touchdown and one interception, and also had a 3-yard TD run to lead Miami's offense that kept the Patriots' rebuilt defense guessing, mixing in no-huddle and empty backfield formations. DeVante Parker caught four passes for 81 yards.
The game was back and forth and tight, like most MIA NEW matchups go. With Damien Harris turnovers killing the Pats. Which sucks because aside from those, he couldn't be stopped.
But that bastard Xavien Howard ended up impacting the game (like he always does) when it mattered most.
That was week 1 in the AFC. Tonight we've got the Ravens visiting the Raiders +4.