Source - A GIRLFRIEND drew up a 17-page 'relationship contract' with her boyfriend just two weeks after they met on Tinder - demanding he pay for date nights, buy flowers twice a month and work out five times a week.
Annie Wright first met her boyfriend Michael Head in October last year and after deciding he was 'her person' they agreed to be exclusive soon after.
Determined to make the relationship work after having her 'boundaries crossed' in a previous toxic relationship, 21-year-old Annie joked they should write down their 'terms and conditions' for dating - and law student Michael eagerly agreed.
Shortly after Annie and Michael, 23, sat down and read out their own terms - including asking for 'a romantic gesture once every two weeks' and 'working out at least five times a week alone'.
Other clauses included 'no silent treatment' and him paying for date nights.
Now Annie credits the lengthy 17-page contract as the key to their relationship success and even suggested they might give each other a 'yearly review' when they celebrate their one-year anniversary next month.
Annie, from Atlanta, in Georgia, said: "This has been a game changer. I'd recommend all couples have one. It's the best thing ever."
Some things shouldn't need to be said, but it's important that you hear them, no matter how obvious the wisdom may sound. General Bernard Montgomery (and later Vizzini) saying "Never get involved in a land war in Asia." Coach Finstock advising Scott Howard to never date a girl with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. And so on. Just because it's simple advice doesn't mean you shouldn't heed it.
So here is your Life Coach Jer telling you that if someone you met two weeks ago on Tinder hands you a 17-page relationship agreement demanding you sign it and consider it binding? Take it from your old pal Old Balls.
Treat this man or woman like you're a babysitter in a horror film and they are a noise you heard in the basement. Get yourself to somewhere safe and far away and do not look back.
Look, I'm sure that Annie Wright and Michael Head are very nice people and are totally happy together. Truly, they are a lovely couple. But that doesn't make them right in the head. (Wright? Head? See what I did there? That kind of word play is The Thornton Difference.) As a matter of fact, two weeks into a dating relationship, anything in writing should be considered a warning sign. Even a Hallmark card, unless it's handed to you on a very specific occasion like a birthday or the death of a loved one. And even then, you can't sign it with "Love" or even the less committal "Luv." A 17-page, heavily detailed document? That's not a warning sign. It's a tornado siren. Get yourself to an underground bunker with all speed and ride things out until the storm passes. Then block their number.
Speaking as someone who'll be hitting 28 years on the job in a few weeks - presuming, that is, my own faithful Irish Rose doesn't learn the error of her ways and upgrade - no relationship is so complicated that you need 17 pages to set the Terms & Conditions. Hell, my mortgage documents aren't that long. And "mortgage" is the literal Latin translation of "death grip." I'm not kidding.
I've always believed that all the rules for successfully romancing another human can fit onto a Post-It: "Don't be a dick." Or, if you want to differentiate between the genders, the other side can read, "Don't be a bitch." Your call whether you want to go binary or not. But the underlying point is, treat the other person well. And if they don't treat you well back, demand they do. And hold each other to that standard.
Once you get into anything more than than, "We the undersigned" and "The party of the first part" with subclauses about back rubs and demands for romantic gestures and forced trips to the gym? Well then you might as well be buying a timeshare. And at least with that condo in Boca, you'll understand why you're the one always making the payments.
And let's be brutally honest here. How much respect would you have for someone who agreed to this agreement? Like it seems to me the relationship is doomed once your significant other puts pen to paper on this Satanic pact. Since I started out with famous quotes, I'll end with one of the most famous. Groucho Marx said he'd never belong to a club that would have someone like him as a member. The same is true of 17-page relationship contracts. Never into one with someone who'd be willing to enter into one with you.
You can thank me later. Years from now when you don't end up with "party of the second part" wearing one of your shirts and boiling a bunny on your stove.