It Should Be Highly Illegal To Invite David Pastrnak To Play For Your Street Hockey Team

Every kid who plays hockey grows up dreaming about one day making it to the NHL. By and large, we all realize at one point that we actually suck and we'll never make it there. Some come to that realization sooner than others. Some end up playing in some random junior league out in the middle of nowhere Wisconsin in front of 125 adoring fans for a few years until they age out. Either way, the point I'm trying to make here is that like 99% of hockey players never get to live out their dream of one day playing in the NHL. 

So if you're somebody like David Pastrnak--a guy who was a 1st round draft pick, damn near a point per game in his 7-year career so far, the winner of a Rocket Richard trophy--then it just seems cruel and unusual to show up to a street hockey game to rub it in some more and dummy a bunch of dudes whose dream you are currently living.


Sidenote: I know that this technically isn't street hockey, so I don't want to get the street hockey community all up in arms at me. I guess this is considered either ball hockey or dek hockey. But for the sake of making an accessible headline, I went with street hockey. 

Either way. Look at that fucking clapper from Pasta. The best hockey goalies on the planet even struggle to stop that thing. The man had 48 goals in 70 games in the 2019-20 season. 48 times he's blasted one of those piss missiles against the top 0.05% of hockey goalies in the world. And now you expect some dude who probably works a standard 9-5 job and keeps a water bottle full of booze in his net to even come close to stopping that thing? For sure not. 

I can't believe that one maniac defender even tried to stand in the way of that shot. Buddy,,,,,,I don't know what health insurance looks like in Czechia but it sure as shit can't be worth it to soak that shot. I don't know, man. Just seems like a totally greasy move by the team in blue to let Pasta suit up for this game. Unless the other team had Jagr or Voracek or someone of that caliber on the squad, it just ain't right. These types of games are for the washed up. They're for the has been's and the never was. The beer league heroes who need these games to make themselves feel better about never living up to their fullest potential. Not for NHL All-Stars to try to rip a hole through the goalie's glove.