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DEBATE: Would You Rather Lose Your Phone Or Your Wallet?

A lot of shit in your wallet is protected by the FDIC. You can cancel just about everything in a call. They'll mail you a new license. You don't even need your insurance cards if they're on your phone. Maybe it's different because I'm not rich, but the wallet is replaceable.

On the other hand, losing your phone sucks dick. I can still say that. I woke up this morning to the crushing anxiety of a very lost phone and no idea where it could be. Just a vague memory of texting a group chat at about 10:30pm last night with all other trails gone cold. I naturally looked everywhere. I even unstapled the fabric on the bottom of my couch to see if it literally went through the cracks. No luck, I moved to the garbage and hand-picked my way piece-by-piece. Then I went through the cabinets, my car, and the surrounding area thinking I could have slept walked for the first time in my life last night and misplaced my phone in the process. 10 hours earlier that phone was in and out of my pocket as I furiously refreshed live betting lines on the Ole Miss/Louisville game to mitigate responsible losses. Now I was ready to put a steak knife into my mattress. 

Turns out the phone was in my freezer next to a box of empty popsicles. Someone said that's warning sign of dementia. I'm 34 and had a lot to drink yesterday. I'm not ruling anything out but I'm more likely to package this up as an old fashioned kerfuffle. Labor Day's a big weekend and this happened at the tail end. I'm not beating myself up over it. If anything it's good to know technology can withstand such extreme temperatures. No different than leaving it in the car overnight save for the circumstantial fact that you're much dumber for leaving a phone next to the ice cream vs. your cup holder. 

Even so, I don't want to overlook the rush that comes with finding lost property. People who lose shit all the time (myself included) probably have some subconscious fetish for the self-loathing and ultimate relief that adjoins the process. It's such a pure celebration when you find something. It's up there with winning a bet on the last play of game. I'm clapping and fist pumping and soaking up the endorphins like an addict. 

It would be a lot less stressful if phone upgrades were still a thing. Losing a phone then finding out you're sitting on an upgrade is another Hall of Fame emotional 180. Those were the days: a time when cell phone manufacturers competed for your business. It was the peak of mobile hardware innovation. Blackberry. Razr. Samsung. Kyocera. Nokia. Sidekick. Chocolate. EnV. The big yellow walkie talkie looking thing that the Polish kid in your group of friends had so he could talk to his dad on the job site. Maybe that was just me.

We're really getting off topic. I brought up the phone thing because I wanted to hammer home it's much worse than losing the wallet. Now that we're here I'd like to mix in baseball. It's a passion of mine. 

The difference between losing something and finding something is very similar to the feeling of losing 10+ games in a row vs. going on a big winning streak. The emptiness of losing a dozen games is downright staggering. Especially when the Cubs are 64-75 and could just as easily be in the WC mix at 70-69. Can you think of 6 games over this season that they could have won? Or maybe if the Cubs assembled a pitching staff that wasn't bottom 3rd of the league in every single baseline category. It's very easy to play What If when you get to this point in the season so I don't mind if I do. This could have and should have gone much differently. 

Whether that makes sense or not, the Cubs have won 7 in a row including a perfect start to September. Without being dramatic they could lose 2 more games and make a run at the last WC spot. That's 21-2 to close out September. I actually hate myself now for typing this out for all of you to read, but I can't run from this. I can't hide from my heart. I once watched a 100-loss Cubs team DEEP into July mapping out a playoff run for the history books. Junior Lake was going to take the world by storm. Darwin Barney was the kind of guy that wins. Don't make me go through the whole roster. 

I'm being delusional and that's on brand. Excuse me for talking myself into an active mathematical possibility. I found my phone in the freezer this morning and I don't want that to be the most bizarre thing I do this week. That's why I'm willing to back a Cubs' playoff run until it's objectively over. 

Call me crazy. I said much worse to myself this morning. 

PS - Anyone who said wallet has an android. Judge as you see fit.