I Am Not A Crackhead

Idk why I gotta do this but I found myself in a little doo da doo this morning on twitter dot com which is standard operating procedure for me after a weekend. Found out that there's this COMPLETELY FALSE narrative going around the inter webs that I smoked crack yesterday. How did this come to be? It started here:

Sounds exactly like something someone who was smoking crack in an Irish pub's bathroom right? Right. Except I wasn't. I swear to god I wasn't. 

Real talk though - apparently someone did actually get booted for smoking crack in the Declan's bathroom yesterday. I was sitting on my couch watching football in my underwear when this happened. I went to Declan's for the 2nd half of the ND game and the owner of the bar, a mutual friend of mine and Big Cat's, showed me the text he sent to Big Cat talking about how some crack head was doing crack head things at his bar. Big Cat responded by saying, "WSD has no respect. I'll talk to him again" as a joke, and that's a joke that is way too easy to pass up. I jokingly called him out on it on Twitter and then it snowballed into me being a crackhead and trending on Twitter. 

Just another day in the life.

Also - and this is taking away all jokes and character and blah blah blah... I've never even considered smoking crack and the only time I've ever seen crack was in Lowell MA back in 2011-12 or so. I know this doesn't help my defense because Lowell MA is exactly where a crack head would be hanging out. Anyways the reason I was in Lowell is my college roommate was drafted by Boston and playing for their LowA team there. Some crackhead offered it to me outside of a bar by the Spinners stadium where my college roommate was playing. I didn't oblige him and the bartender was so pissed off at this guy trying to sling crack at his bar that I thought he was going to break a bottle over his head.

That's it. No crack for me. This wasn't something I anticipated having to explain to Dave Portnoy this afternoon