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A Gender Reveal Party Causes Active Shooter Lockdowns in Two Nearby Schools

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As I've said before when Gender Reveal parties have gone horribly, horribly wrong, the real crime these expectant parents commit isn't burning down thousands of acres of pristine wilderness or even manslaughter, it's taking up the precious free time of the people unfortunate enough to be in their social circle. For them to assume that the rest of us are all planets orbiting their bright, glowing centers of our solar system. That we have an unlimited number of days off. So many that we can squander them by abandoning all our chores, errands, hobbies, leisure activities and down time to stand around in the backyard of a couple of self-possessed, solipsistic twats, so filled with their own narcissism that they think we're as invested in whether their genetic coin flip came up Heads or Tails as they are. 

And yet, still the Gender Reveal parties come. Despite the widespread destruction, loss of life, and loss of free time they leave in their wake. Despite all the warnings from first responders to end this scourge. And despite all the obvious, full-body eyerolling from their guests. These egomaniacs continue to spread chaos with these stupid nothingburgers. 

Fox News - A gender reveal party triggered at least two Tennessee schools to lock down after an expecting father shot off his gun in celebration. 

"Rumors of an active shooter at local school are incorrect," the Murfreesboro Police Department posted on Twitter. 

The incident unfolded Wednesday afternoon in Rutherford County when a resident of the area heard gunshots and someone scream. The person called 911, and due to the gunshots being so close to multiple schools, officials put them on lockdown. 

The lockdown orders at Oakland High and Middle schools were both quickly lifted, however. … 

"It was found to be expectant parents making a gender revealing phone call to out of county family members," the police department reported. "During the phone call the expectant father stepped outside and fired celebratory rounds from a handgun into the air and the expectant mother screamed out of excitement of the news of a baby boy."

The father was cited with unlawful discharging of a firearm inside the city limits.

Hey, so a few hundred kids and teachers began fearing for their lives. So students might've briefly had to shelter in place under their desks while a 105 pound woman with a Masters in Ed paused a lesson on binomials in order to barricade a door and wonder if she was going to have to sacrifice herself to save her class. Yes, a police force probably scrambled on high alert, believing their worst nightmare scenario had become real. That's a small price to pay for this joyous announcement.

The important thing is that these two crazy, wonderful parents-to-be are having a BOY! Yes, that great biological 50/50 prop bet came out to have XY chromosomes instead of XX. So it was all worth it! Why they're having this thing on a weekday during school hours, we can only speculate. But it's fair to say they didn't take personal days off from their jobs for this party. 

Again, I don't blame the self-absorbed goons who do throw these things. I blame the generation who raised them. For me personally, a Gender Reveal was a phone call to my in-laws and then another to my mom to say "It's a boy." Then they got on the line to tell the rest of the family. Then I called friends to get drunk and hand out cigars before mother and child came home in a day or so. My dad probably found out his fifth (and favorite) child was a strapping, handsome lad when my mom walked in the door from the hospital. And it all worked out perfectly. 

But this current crop of parents were raised on Participation trophies, Kindergarten graduations, fourth grade graduations, eighth grade graduations. Not to mention megaparties to celebrate every religious rite from First Communions to Bat Mitzvahs. So it's only natural that they'd hit adulthood believing everyone is obsessed with the drama of finding out what organs their baby is going to come down the birth canal with. The issue is, how many more acts of terror and how many more ruined afternoons must the rest of us suffer before this idiotic craze has finally run its course?