Kayce Smith Please Read This!!

With the arrival of football season I cant help but want to get in on the action. It’s like Christmas here at the Pirate Ship. And while I love the football culture, there’s a really big problem. I don’t know much about football. Like the actual sport. 

I mean I went to the OU but all I know is we have as many heisman trophy winners as we do national championships.. 7. Is that even good? We also have the most wins since World War II with 606, which cant be a bad thing? But who knows. 

Back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back is hard to type, but easy for OU to say since they've won six Big 12 championships in a row - and 15 out of the last 20 years.

Also Spencer Rattler. Sorry, keyboard glitch. I hate this thing. 

Anyways when you have a problem, you have to solve it. And this is a big problem because all day I sit between Jack Mac and Jack McCarthy who yell stats over my head and I feel like AN IDIOT. If you comment that I am an idiot you, yourself, are an unoriginal idiot cause I literally just said it. 

All this to say.. I want to be Kayce Smiths Prodigy this season. Or intern. Or last string QB. (She’s first) 

She knows everything about football and has blonde hair. Reminding us anything is possible. Not all heroes wear capes they wear whatever Kayce is wearing that day. I could learn so much from her. I'm getting smarter just thinking about it.

So here is my hail Mary. KAYCE CAN I BE YOUR …. BITCH? I have to find a better word. (hopefully she has a bigger vocabulary than me)

Even if I just bring you coffee that’s fine (in exchange for one football tip, ideally) but just to be in your presence would be enough for me.

If I had a rose id give it to you. Actually I have a foam finger I could probably make that work? After all there is only one.