Lighten the Fuck Up! He Told His Wife to Take Care of It While He was Away on Business...

When a young married couple finally scrimped and saved up enough money for a down payment, they purchased their first home. It was an older home, a fixer-upper and after just a few days the drain pipe under the vanity in the bathroom started leaking. When her husband got home from work she greeted him at the front door and said, "A pipe in the bathroom is leaking" and then she kindly asked, "Could you fix it?"  He continued walking straight into the kitchen, grabbed a beer from the fridge, and sarcastically asked, "What do I look like, a fuckin' plumber?" And then he laughed hysterically… 

A few days later, when her husband got home from work she again greeted him at the front door and this time she said, "Dear, the roof is leaking" and then she kindly asked, "Could you do something about it?" He continued walking straight into the kitchen, grabbed a beer from the fridge, and sarcastically asked, "What do I look like, a fuckin' roofer?" And then he laughed hysterically… 

A week later, when her husband got home from work she met him at the front door a third time and said, "Honey, my car won't start. I think it may need a new battery" and then she kindly asked, "Could you change it for me?" He continued walking straight into the kitchen, grabbed a beer from the fridge, and sarcastically asked, "What do I look like, a fuckin' mechanic?" And then he laughed hysterically… 

After a long swig of his beer, in a very demanding tone, he said to his wife, "Take care of these three things yourself. By the time I return from my business trip I'd like all these things fixed. You got that?" She immediately wondered who she could call to take care of all the things her husband couldn't fix himself…

When he returned from his business trip a week later he was pleasantly surprised to find the roof was fixed, the drain pipe under the vanity wasn't leaking, and the car started right up. He continued walking straight into the kitchen, grabbed a beer from the fridge, and sarcastically asked, "I'm sure this wasn't cheap and I'll bet you overpaid" and then he asked, "How much did all this cost me?" 

"Nothing at all" his wife quipped, grinning from ear to ear. "The next-door neighbor took a look and it turns out he's a very competent handyman with unimaginable skills. He said he'd fix everything if I just baked him a cake, and then in a lighthearted tone he joked, 'Or, you could just sleep with me and we'd call it even…'" 

"Wow, you did good honey. What kind of cake did you bake him?"

She smiled and sarcastically asked, "What do I look like, a fuckin' baker?" And then she laughed hysterically…

* Vindog has been repurposing jokes since 1968