Sorry If Your Girl Didn't Come Home This Weekend. She Was Probably Hanging Out With These Guys.

Alexa enhance

Alexa. 

Murderers fucking row on their way to watch their Chicago Bears lose a preseason game to our former #2 overall draft pick by 26 points. 83 and humid. Concessions lines maxed out to Jean Baptiste Point du Sable Lake Shore Drive. Can't even wear a fanny pack into Soldiers* these days while cocktail prices will make the Epcot Center blush. Just overall a really tough situation this past Saturday and even so I know these three guys absolutely murdered the day. You don't wear your 6-8-10 down from the Lakeview coach house to throw up a social dud. I don't need 1st party evidence to know this Saturday got pretty sloppy in a good way. Congrats to these guys. 

Jonathan Daniel. Getty Images.

I like it sloppy. 

From a bigger picture, this is being a Bears fan right now. You can cling to the game plan and depth chart and Matt Nagy's competence. Or you can try to win the party and enjoy yourself the next couple months. Dust off your Kyle Orton and order a Beef Kit from JP Graziano x Barstool Chicago. Maybe do some yard work around the house and get organized for the holidays. Maybe have more responsible beers to take your mind off the offensive line play. Get together with some friends and find a reason to distract yourself because all sources indicate that would be smart money. 

I don't want to praise these 3 guys too much but there's something to be said about rolling up to a sporting event with your boys in synchronized jerseys. Especially at a time when the public is so anti-grown-men-in-jerseys. It's a broken sentiment that serves no purpose when talking to people that are paying money to go watch a sporting event in person. Take it one step further. Of course they're willing to wear a jersey. Your opportunities to get the Grossman some sunshine are so few and far between. Don't let faceless internet trolls discourage you from wearing a jersey. NFL games should definitely be safe haven. 

Appropriateness rankings for jerseys at games: 

1. NFL 

2. NHL

3. MLB

4. NBA

NBA jerseys are just so hard to pull off. They're long and skinny. You obviously aren't raw dogging them at the United Center. Super expensive for a fraction of the fabric. MLB games are a really distant 3 from the NBA. You can always get by with an MLB jersey at a game unless it's too hot. Just make sure it's not the $40 one from Marshall's with no name/number. Those are brutal. 

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Obviously NHL is good because it's a sweater and the rink is cold. But there's too many guys in business casual that stuff the sweater over their work clothes to fit in at the game. Maybe 40% of all adult jersey wearers are masking a corporate identity. I see through the charade whereas the NFL is all passion. That's what you get with a near-pure weekend sport. It's such a special, respectful environment. Any good group of friends going to an NFL game has a nice jersey spread. That's just my own personal opinion from the guy who never wears the jersey but always admires the classics. That's my jersey profile. 

For more jersey talk, here's a classic snake draft with Balls. 

PS - Orton would be my 4th. You don't have to ask.