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Cuomo Abandoned His Beloved Dog “Captain” At The New York Executive Mansion

Look, I understand it’s been a rough couple of months for the disgraced former governor of New York. He was caught being hazardously horny and admitted to sexually harassing employees with his only excuse being that he enjoyed a large plate of spaghetti BECAUSE HES ITALIAN! 

He’s fumbled through press conferences, interviews, and dispositions. He’s begrudgingly resigned and has now moved in with his sister who is also Italian. Interesting, right? Somehow, breathtakingly, he’s made matter worse when there was so little room to do just that. But, he’s done it. How? By abandoning his dog and making me want to punch him right in his face. 

People could have gotten over his handling of the pandemic even when New York’s hospitals were the site of several Corbcob TV episodes of Coffin Flop before it was taken off the air by those FUCKERS at Spectrum. Cuomo could have gotten over the images of elderly constituents busting out of the bottom of coffins with their spread blue Buttcheeks flapping in the wind. That happens. People would get over it. They won’t get over leaving Captain or the accusations that Coffin Flop was rigged. They didn’t rig shit.

That being said, this should be the last news cycle that Cuomo can fuck up beyond recognition. There’s no chance he can go lower right? No chance.

Well, no. It’ll probably get worse.

You didn’t deserve this, Captain. You didn’t and don’t deserve this.