Elon Musk Announced The Tesla Bot As The Shotclock On Humanity Rapidly Approaches Zero
It’s genuinely alarming how rarely the people with the resources to do this shit fail to ever once consider the potential dystopian future they’re jumpstarting with inventions like this. Three people come to mind when I think of the jackasses who most certainly do NOT have our collective interests in mind: Musk, those fucks over at Boston Dynamics, and every scientist who keeps trying to regenerate frozen dinosaur embryos. If I never heard from any of those three ever again I’d be the happiest man alive. Instead, the trudge forward. Each day unveiling some new horrifying detail of our not-too-distant future. Perhaps this ends justly. The army of dinosaurs square off against the robots in a true loser leaves town matchup for the ages. Surely the Dynamics robots and the Tesla Bots will fight from within, never quite trusting the other, hopefully leading to a swift and decisive victory for the dinos. I like our chances up against the prehistoric beasts better, but I digress.
As for this first batch of Tesla Bots, I’m not all that worried. Probably the most troublesome bit is that Musk felt the need to point out that they’re “friendly.” What a monumental fuck up. Programming them for any sort of emotional capacity is the most surefire way one of these robots has a bad day, flips its switch and goes rogue. And when they go rogue they’ll already be proficient in martial arts from their extensive dojo training. Meld that with the fact that they’ll be hardened from all the dangerous tasks they’ve completed and we’re talking about an army of digital John Wicks on our hands all because we were too lazy to get our licenses renewed at the DMV.
But as I said, I’m not all that worried about this first batch. They’re 5’8”. The gum on my shoe might be a nuisance but it doesn’t exactly instill fear.
