Feast your eyes, if not your digestive system, on Kentucky Fried Chicken's Stacker. Introduced in 2019, this food dreadnaught is only available on KFC's so-called "Secret Menu" on their app. The fast food equivalent of the wish-giving magic monkey paw you can only buy if the owner of the oddities shop invites you follow him through the beaded curtain into the back room.
And, frankly, we're probably better off that way. You don't want these too readily available. Here's a description:
[T]he limited edition Triple Stacker burger is made from three chicken breast fillets coated in Zinger® flavouring, three slices of tasty cheese, three slices of crispy bacon and topped with Supercharged and Chilli Relish sauce.
This isn't a snack, or even a meal. It's a Sandwich of Mass Destruction. A controlled substance that is potentially dangerous should it into the wrong hands. Case in point:
Source - A woman has claimed she had to have her jaw replaced with prosthetic joints after stretching her mouth to eat a KFC stacked burger.
Holly Strevens, 34, from Portsmouth, has had five operations and 12 screws on the left side of her mouth after her jaw dislocated when eating a chicken burger topped with a hash brown.
The mother-of-one was diagnosed with temporomandibular joint syndrome (TMJ) which is a disorder of the jaw muscles and nerves caused by injury or inflammation to the connection between the jawbone and the skull.
She said: 'I feel angry that this has happened but it can happen to anyone who opens their mouth too wide.
'I was healthy before eating my KFC burger with no underlying health issues. TMJ just came from nowhere. …'
Holly said she hopes fast-food restaurants reduce the size of their burgers to prevent this from happening to someone else.
Look, we can all be sympathetic to Holly Stevens. No one should have to go through life without the full use of an essential body part like the jaw. I can understand her anger about the fate that's befallen her. Anyone of us in the same condition would probably react the same way.
But let's not start putting restrictions on our fast food because one person messed themselves up. Maybe that stuff will fly in Great Britain, where she's from. But not here. We're Americans. Overindulgence is kind of our thing. It's right there in the Bill of Rights. Someplace. No sandwich can be too big or stuffed with too many layers of fried, crispy goodness.
After all, Holly is in tough shape, no doubt about it. But she's no one's victim. This is a case of A&BDW, Assault and Battery with a Delicious Weapon. But totally self-inflicted, to be sure. I wouldn't ask the gun manufacturers to start limiting the size of bullets just because I shot myself in the foot. So she's got no right to ask the good people at KFC to try to protect the rest of us, America's Large, Pliable Jaw Community, from her carelessness. If you can't handle the Stacker, grab a knife and fork and leave the rest of us to our face-stuffing like free men. You'll have to take our KFC Stackers from between our cold, dead fingers. Probably after we die of diabetes. So it won't take long.
Besides, if you're going to try to run with the big dogs, it's your responsibility to make sure you can handle it. Like Liz Lemon. That woman's jaw is like a boa constrictor's: