The Definitive Guide To Surviving A Bachelor Party In Your 30's
Let me preface this by saying I'm flying back from a bachelor party currently somewhere over the Rockies. It's a Sunday and I figure as someone who is about to be retired from bachelor parties, it's time to discuss them. More importantly it's time to discuss them when you're in the twilight of the bachelor party career and in your mid-late 30s. It's completely different than the first bachelor party you go on which is the early 20s. Just completely different times.
Now before I hop into it I want to make one thing clear. I’m not a party expert by any means, I’ve been to a bunch of bachelor parties and all sorts of ones. Vegas, Nashville, cabins, beach houses, mountains, basically anywhere and everywhere. I’m simply a 34 year old guy that has had a ton of different bachelor party experiences. I’ve had fun, I’ve been on awful bachelor parties and had a good 12 year run. If you’re in your 30s they become less of a shitshow and more of a “how do I survive while still having fun” experience. So these are the tips for that trip. Let’s hop in.
Travel
This is probably the second most important part of the trip. This is one that can make or break it. The key? Direct flights only. Obviously if you have to connect somewhere, live with it but do everything and anything for direct flights. If you're driving, load up with a partner. More on that later though. The key is about the flight. You don't want to be the last one in and the last one out. Get everyone's schedule and try to beat at least one person.
-Booze on your flight there. Do it. There is no better feeling than walking off that plane with a nice little buzz. Don’t get loaded but have a couple cocktails on the flight to get you in the right mindset. It doesn't matter where your flight is to, you need that mindset. Plus you don’t need to play catch up if you’re one of the later guys there.
Schedule
https://twitter.com/barstoolreags/status/1424749858833960961?s=21
Pretty simple here. You get in late Thursday and you get out Sunday morning. No other exceptions. This is about surviving while still having a good time. You're going to want your own bed. You're going to want to be alone come Sunday. Thursday night to Sunday morning is the only answer for a bachelor party trip.
- Here's the day by day key. Thursday night everyone gets in and is pumped up. Someone likely is playing tunes at wherever you're staying while people show up and those tunes are the ones that likely throw you back to your college days. Live it up right then and there. When everyone gets in I'm a big go to the bar person on Thursday night, but have it be the bar that maybe is second or third in rotation. Post up, stay up late and use that adrenaline. Friday you need some sort of activity. For me, it tends to be a round of golf Friday morning. Can get some cocktails in you, build up the buzz and not be absolute death from the day before. Plan on getting the entire crew together for dinner on Friday too. Have someone step up and make reservations. Saturday is dicey with this and Friday you can still ride the high of being together with everyone. Then there's Saturday. This one is simple. It's every man for themselves that day. Don't make plans on Saturday except 'we'll go to the bar at like 11 for lunch and start drinking.' People will wander off, people will wander home. That's fine. That's what Saturday is supposed to be.
Buddy up
This is key for anyone, but especially if you're in your 30s. Again, this is a guide to surviving while having a weekend. Find a buddy. Odds are you know which guy you are most like when it comes to staying out late at the bars, how long you stay at a strip club, how drunk you get, what drugs you may or may not do. That's the buddy. You always need someone to have an out with you. You can't be alone at a bachelor party unless you're in Vegas and on a heater late night. But having that buddy is vital to survival. It's also a quiet deal. No words are exchanged, you just know which buddy you need to have by your side for either the late night trip or the ability to get home earlier from the bars. Just like basketball, know your role.
The buddy system is key for traveling to. If you’re driving somewhere get one or two people to ride with you. Split the drive up, play who is less hungover on Sunday. It’ll help you get through what typically sucks as a drive. You need that there.
Rooming
This is the most important part of survival. You're in your 30s, there is no need and I repeat no need to cram people into rooms together. Everyone should have their own bed or something solid to sleep on. No need to share beds like it's Spring Break. That said, get a house. It's awesome having the entire crew together at the house and it makes for more memories sitting around bullshitting while drinking and figuring out what to do.
Random shit
- Stock the house with snacks, booze and all your recovery item shit. It's simple, it's needed. Just load up on chips, pretzels, all that good shit. Also having eggs at the house for breakfast because one guy will ALWAYS be willing to make breakfast. It's a nice little surprise.
- Do not and I swear DO NOT wear any matching shirts or those printed shirts. They are never funny, they always stink and you always look like an asshole. Just go out and have a good time.
- If you're reading this you're likely married or have a significant other. Throw a couple texts, nothing serious. If you have a kid throw a FaceTime for 5 minutes and it'll cause any dumb fight. The last thing you want to get is a text from a significant other that says 'hello? You alive?' Just send a few texts, a morning FaceTime with the kid and you're good to go.
- Finally, the most important advice I can give. Don’t give a shit. Have fun, but go to sleep when you want. Eat what you want. Drink what you want. No one cares and it’ll pay off in the long run. you’ll need it, trust me there.
There are roughly 1100 words on how to survive in your 30s. There are millions of us out there attempting to do this exact thing over the next couple of weeks. I'm sure I left something out or something that people will disagree with. Fine, let me know. And yes some of this is similar to Big Cat’s blog from Vegas. Rules apply across all bachelor parties and I firmly believe in some of the same things from his blog. This is a buddy system remember?