My Level Of Jealousy Is At An All Time High For Kids In The 80's That Got To Go To "Action Park" In Vernon, NJ
Where to begin with this one...
Eddie, Chief, and I reviewed a great documentary last week, Woodstock '99.
We had a great time and people seemed to really enjoy it so we decided to run it back again this week. I was worried there'd be a big drop off in quality since the Woodstock doc had set the bar so high, but man was I wrong.
The documentary we decided to go with was "Class Action Park" on HBO Max.
Without giving the entire thing away, this place was basically what would have happened if the guys from Jackass designed a theme park in the 80s.
Situated in rural Vernon, NJ and established by a disgraced Wall Street banker, to put it simply- there were zero rules.
The place was a free for all where kids as young as 6 were allowed to go cliff diving from 20-foot cliffs into ice-cold spring waters.
They had a monster wave pool that multiple people died in.
They had a shit load of water slides but none more insane than this one with a full-blown loopty loop in it.
Kids used to smash their faces on this thing and lose teeth, people came out of the end of it mangled, and bleeding and it never stopped anybody from continuing to use it. The eighties were a wild time.
Advertisement
An interstate highway ran right through the middle of the thing separating "water world" from "motor world" where gas-powered rides of all sorts existed.
We're talking bumper boats (best things ever), mini speed boats, and even motorized tanks that shot flaming tennis balls.
Advertisement
Clem actually blogged it last year when it came out but I never saw it until now.
I watched the entire thing with my jaw on the floor. I couldn't believe this actually happened and I felt an insane amount of jealousy for all the kids that got to go to this place. It was basically the land of yes. Anything you ever dreamed up in your backyard or at the park out of parents' eyesight was already a reality here because that crazy fucker Uncle Gene had already constructed it.
I can't even imagine the excitement that kids that got to look forward to going here must have experienced.
Captain Cons was one of those lucky little bastards and messaged me the following when I asked him what it was like -
the best part about Action Park was there was absolutely no one around to tell you “no” when it came to anything. When you were home with your friends your parents were there to reel things back in if they were dangerous. Action Park? No such thing. Sure they had lifeguards and security but they were useless and didn’t care. Want to go down the Alpine Slide with no shirt? Sure, just don’t cry when you’re bleeding at the bottom. Want to try to do the Tarzan swing with your buddy at the same time? Cool, don’t drown when his elbow knocks you unconscious. It was the ultimate shoot first ask questions later scenario. As a young kid with no fear there was no better place to find out who had the biggest balls among your friends.
Oh dude and the wave pool was basically jumping into a tsunami
Here's Eddie, Chief, and I breaking down the whole thing. If you haven't watched it yet, go watch it and come back and watch this after so you know that what we're actually talking about is in fact real and did indeed happen. Otherwise, you'll find it very hard to believe.
p.s. - this guy is fuckin awesome
p.p.s. - shout out to the "man in the ball in the ball". An idea ahead of its time.