Op-Ed: The Empire State Building Has Been A Gigantic Piece Of Shit For Years Now, Long Before He Started Poaching Barstool Employees
Blogger's Note: I'm not exactly sure what Op-Ed means but it felt like the right thing to put in the headline so I went with it
So it appears that the Empire State Building has made a very powerful internet enemy in David Scott Portnoy AKA The Grudge Gawd after that lanky asshole snatched our sweet songbird Tyler O'Day from our payroll.
Watch the full Dave Portnoy Show here!
This seemingly came as a surprise to my Presidente, which is surprising since he usually has his pulse on the internet as well as his own company. But I have known that the Empire State Building was a no good dickhead for years dating back to this blog.
Look, if you want to be the American State Building, you can throw on the baseball hat of every team in the Major Leagues. That's fine. But to pull that stunt when you are called the Empire State Building while residing in the Empire State in one of the rare cities that is still a baseball town at heart is soooooo fucking lame. The mere thought of the Phillies, Nationals, and Braves being represented in the middle of New York City makes me want to vomit. I imagine Yankees fans feel the same way about the Red Sox getting some shine. The Empire State Building is now the New Yorker that says “I’m not a Mets fan or a Yankees fan. I’m a BASEBALL fan” AKA this guy:
No offense to the GOAT but you get the point
Not to mention when he rocked the colors of the biggest rivals of both New York teams located right across the Hudson River like the frontrunning fuckface he is.
Or when he refused to light up in purple after Prince passed away despite pretty much every other landmark being purpler than the rain he once sang beautifully about.
Now this could just be a case of Empy (I guarantee he haaaaates that name) being a traitorous bitch after going from being the biggest boy on the block to not even one of the 5 biggest boys in his whole city.
Anyway, I have been on the Fuck Empy corner for more than half a decade now, don't plan on leaving anytime soon, and would love to be joined by any/all Stoolies now that our fearless leader has taken up the cause.
As for Tyler O'Day, who I've always had a good relationship with here at Barstool, I leave these parting words…
P.S. This is perfect.