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The Way Jerry Jones Salts Up His McGriddle is Positively Diabolical

You want to know what truly makes "Hard Knocks" one of the most compelling shows on television? It's not the human drama of athletes preparing themselves to compete at the highest level, aging stars trying to hang on, promising hopefuls struggling to make it, or the men efforting to put together a winning team and achieve professional glory. It's moments like this. The little things that NFL Films is able to consistently deliver, because they get what the public will be fascinated by. 

Your average slob sitting on his Barcalounger in front of HBO Max can't possibly relate to a freakishly athletic Dak Prescott launching a furious career comeback after getting his ankle snapped sideways like he's an action figure in Sid's backyard. But we can relate to Jerry Jones dumping half a shaker of salt on his McGriddle. 

Jerruh gets off the phone with his team's trainer, worried about Dak's health, but not his own. Mike McCarthy's talking about "Mojo moments" to get his players hyped, Jerry's busy giving himself hypertension. The Cowboys need to play with more heart, the owner's working on increasing his risk of enlarged heart. Ceedee Lamb is taking a shot to the balls and coaches are talking about vasectomies, Jerry's building a strong foundation of future kidney stones. 

And the beautiful thing is that for starters, a McGriddle has as much sodium as a deer lick. Out of the wrapper unseasoned, the thing is already Salt Lake City. According to McDonald's own website, it contains 1,290mg, which is 56% of your daily recommended intake. But he dumps enough of that stroke powder on their to supply all the Margaritas in Cancun for the next 10 Spring Breaks. He's dumping more white powder onto his desk than Tony Montana just before he introduces Sosa's men to his little friend. And in Jerruh's case, his li'l friends are going to be osteoporosis and high blood pressure.

But who am I kidding? Jones is going to live forever. If he can survive 26 years without a championship, watching Jimmy Johnson get into the Hall of Fame and an ocean's worth of salt in his breakfast every day, nothing can kill him.