Katie Showed Us How Easy It Is To Get Engaged On The Bachelorette Finale Last Night

There we have it. Katie and Blake are engaged. See, it's so easy!

No. No it's not. Not even on reality TV. There were a few obstacles we need to break down:

1. Katie was still depressed over Greg

If I know anything, it's that when you're heartbroken and depressed, you dramatically lay in your bed in full clothes and makeup staring wistfully into the one sliver of light that comes through your window. Katie is still down bad. Greg ditched her, now she has to go decide whether or not she loves Blake, Justin, or if she even loves anyone at all.

2. She has to tell Blake she loves him

Realistically, Katie and Blake have always made the most sense. But…Katie JUST said how upset and heartbroken she was that Greg is gone. She seemingly LOVES Greg, so much so, she considered leaving the show. Asking the producers to buy her plane ticket. Seems pretty serious to me. Almost too serious to then…turn around and say it to Blake? In a flurry of "I FUCKING LOVE YOU, I FUCKING LOVE YOU TOOs,"? Seems a little…quick? But, she gets it done. Blake is her man now. Our emotions are high. We all love "love."

3. Break up with Justin

Advertisement

The fact this man was even in the final 2 feels like a giant mistake by production. Almost as if he was just hanging around, everyone forgot he was there, and then all of a sudden he was about to win. I barely know his name! His parents didn't even come for hometowns! It's time to go Justin, you've accidentally overstayed your welcome. (He will go on to sob on the couch next to Katie later in the episode, giving his very best Future Bachelor Audition.)

4. Blake has to meet Katie's Mom and Aunt Lindsey

Well that sure went horribly! Jesus fucking Christ, Aunt Lindsey! What the fuck is your problem? We've all been bitter. We've all been proud and stubborn and protective of our family and blah blah. Playing the role of "cool aunt who doesn't let anyone FUCK with her NIECE!" is a fine role, but you took it too far Linds. After spitting in Blake's face and stomping on his throat, she goes on to basically tell Katie this is a bad idea. 

5. Actually Get Engaged To Blake

There were a few minutes where I truly thought Blake was going to run. Some very creative music cues, pauses and camera angles REALLY sold the drama factor leading up to this proposal. When Katie and Blake tumbled through their speeches, the room was in tears. BLAKE AND KATIE FOREVER!! THEY'RE REALLY IN LOVE!! Not a dry eye in the house. 

Woohooo! We're all done! Oh, wait, no. There are a few more obstacles 

6. Katie's still in love with Greg 

Advertisement

Ope, emotions plummet again! It's time, after an extremely sweet, romantic proposal filled with love and joy and relief, to head right back into a fully planned, gossip-rag charged Bitch Out of Greg. Katie comes in confident, Greg already seeming defeated, and rips into Greg. Calls him an actor! Accuses him of gaslighting! Repeats every single thing that Deux Moi has posted in the last 2 months! It's shocking, really. It's a LOT of anger that doesn't feel like she's over it, but that she's still very much in love with Greg and FURIOUS at him for kind of dumping her. Greg doesn't take the bait, stays level headed, and ends up coming out looking okay. 

7. Katie has to tell her family that she's engaged

We're immediately ushered from the Greg bitch out into ~~~I'M IN LOVE WITH BLAKE!~~~ mode, as Katie and Blake are now on the couch talking about how happy they are in their engagement. To me, this sounds easy, after Katie reveals she didn't TELL HER FAMILY she was engaged. "They can't keep a secret!" Somewhere last night, Aunt Lindsay was flipping tables. 

That's it! The perfect recipe to get engaged! Do everything, in that order, and you're 100% guaranteed to get a Neil Lane ring and a full press tour. Love this show.

Check out the full episode of Cutting Stems from last night!