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Joliet Slammers Offer Michael Jordan A Baseball Contract


(CBS) Michael Jordan may be over 50 years old now, but he’s still a wanted man. The Joliet Slammers of the Frontier League have offered the Hall of Famer the chance to come play baseball again. “There are a lot of loyal Chicago Bulls and White Sox fans who I believe would fully support his decision to come back to the game of baseball,” Slammers GM Chris Franklin said in a statement. “When he started with the White Sox, hitting coach Walt Hriniak asked him if he was serious about playing baseball. Michael may ask us the same question Walt asked him and we have the same answer he did. Dead, dead serious.”

Under the terms of the contract, Jordan would earn $1,600 per month with $20 daily meal money and a host family, if needed. For the record, Jordan is worth an estimated $500 million. But wait, there’s more: Players typically receive two tickets per game on the pass list, but with the overwhelming amount of family and friends in the area, the Slammers would be willing to provide Jordan with a Loaded Luxury Suite for 23 people that includes an all-you-can-eat-and-drink buffet of hamburgers, hot dogs, pasta salad, mustard potato salad, baked beans, cookies and Pepsi products for 90 minutes every game.


I’m not going to lie at first this entire thing sounded like a raw deal. $1,600 a month to spend even a second in Joliet is like 10 million short of my pricetag. I live in Chicago so I don’t have to live in the South, thanks but no thanks. But then I kept reading, and this whole “Loaded Luxury Suite” sounds pretty pretty good if you ask me. Do people even realize how much booze and food you can drink at an all you can eat/drink suite? Infinity. Infinity beers and hot dogs is the answer. Back in College I used to go watch the Madison Mallards play baseball and they had this same deal. $25 all you can eat all you can drink, 90 minutes before the game until the last pitch. So I’ve been there. And it is priceless. Literally you can not put a price on it. How much is 500 million worth? Not as much as priceless. MJ would be a fool to pass this up.


For those that don’t know Joliet, the fact that their semi-pro baseball team is named “The Slammers” as in a prison, as in the only thing noteworthy about Joliet is that it has a prison, should tell you everything you need to know.


*They also have a Nascar track and an awesome paintball complex, but yeah, that prison man, you should check it out. Quite the tourist attraction


Double PS
Wrote this blog on an airplane with the shittiest wireless service ever. Blog Grade D-