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No Offense But Field Hockey Shootouts Are Total Dust

I didn't actually get a chance to watch the gold medal game in the men's field hockey tournament at the Olympics this year considering NBC has no idea what they're doing with the Olympic coverage and refuse to tell you what sport is being aired at what time. But I was elated to find out the gold medal game ended up going to a shootout. That's something I can certainly get into. And even though I'm not a huge field hockey guy, I figured this is the Olympics and we'd be seeing some supremely saucy snipes go down. 

Holy smokes was I wrong. When I went back to watch the highlights from the game, THIS is what an Olympic gold medal shootout looks like?

What the hell was that? Buddy can't even stickhandle, and then he falls over trying to take a last-second desperation shot like a total bender. This dude makes Biz look like Pavel Datsyuk. And then the gold medal moment for Belgium was just as dusty. 

No silk whatsoever. Great defense by the goalie there, but pretty uneventful way for a gold medal game to be decided. It's as if these guys have never watched the video of TJ Oshie putting America on his back and taking down communism one dangle at a time in Sochi. 

If we're being honest, I'd say field hockey shootouts should probably be closer to soccer penalty kicks than an ice hockey shootout. Set the ball up and just try to sting a corner. Or maybe start the shootout from the top of that arc so the goalie doesn't have so much time to come 40 feet out of his net? I don't know much about field hockey, but I know that dangles put asses in the seats. That wasn't it. 

Congrats to Belgium, though.