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Cowboys LB Micah Parsons Is VERY Horny on Main

Micah Parsons has yet to play even a preseason snap for the Dallas Cowboys, yet he's already trying to use his NFL first round pick status to land himself a set of twins on TikTok. No burner, no DMs, nothing. Straight to the comment section on the main account.

TikTok is by far the horniest app out there right now. You'll occasionally get some bonks on Twitter (see below) and you definitely have some horny dudes on Instagram, but everybody is irrationally randy on the Tok. You can’t scroll three videos without seeing someone trying to become an amateur pronstar. It's getting out of control, to be quite honest.

My favorite part is that the girls saw the comment and pinned it at the top, which is either very good or very bad for our friend Micah. Either they were flattered to be sought after by an NFL linebacker and he might just get his wish or they thought his shot was so ridiculous and corny that they wanted the entire world to see it. I guess all you can ask for in life is a 50/50 chance.

But it's the middle of training camp, Micah. You can't have a starter being more concerned with TikTok girls than football when the Hall of Fame Game is in 24 hours. Not exactly the focus you want out of your first round draft pick.

I guess we'll see how he plays Thursday night and if he's at all affected by his extreme horniness.