If You Could Have Your Own Dish At An Italian Restaurant, What Would It Be?

Tonight at Borrelli's (serving Long Island's finest Italian food since 1955), I get to cash in on the "Tommy Smokes Special" from my Stool Streams deal with Frankie. Back in November, I told Frankie I'd select him as my teammate for our Jenga tournament, but I needed something in return. Through other trades, I had already accumulated many Instagram stories and posts from Big Cat and Ria. But I wanted something different from Frankie. Instead of using him for clout, I wanted to use him for his family's Italian restaurant. 

The deal was that I'd get my own special dish at Borrelli's for a day, named after me and could be whatever I want. I spent months deliberating it. Almost a year, in fact. But I finally made my decision. 

Tonight at Borrelli's for one night only (unless it's a smashing success) - The Tommy Smokes Special. 

Please read this description as if I'm a waiter with an accent reading off the special menu: "Tonight we have the Tommy Smokes Special. It's veal cutlets layered in prosciutto, with melted mozzarella, smothered in a vodka sauce with a side of penne alla vodka."

It's the perfect dish. I prefer veal to chicken. Tastes better and feels higher class. Some people complain, "Oh you can't eat baby cows!!! Wah wah wah!!!" Well to that, I will reiterate what I said on Lowering The Bar last week. If animals don't want us to eat them, they should simply get thumbs and beat us. Survival of the fittest. Also if you are fine with eating all other meat but draw the line at veal, that's just hypocritical and quite frankly pathetic. 

Anyway moving on, adding on prosciutto because who doesn't love prosciutto? Can never go wrong with some cured Italian meats. Then we add some melted cheese which makes everything better. And finally, we go a little different by adding vodka sauce instead of red sauce. Personally, I do prefer red sauce to vodka sauce in general, but I wanted to be unique here. Otherwise it's basically just a veal parm with prosciutto. Now it's a drunken veal parm with prosciutto. I also think vodka sauce complements prosciutto better than marinara does. And we have a side of pasta of course. 

If that sounds and looks appetizing to you (picture above was made by Mr. Borrelli himself), then come out to Borrelli's tonight and try it. I will be there. Frankie will obviously be there. And so will Marty Mush, Ria, Glenny, Trent, and maybe more. We were already going to be there for a video Marty's making for his YouTube so we just combined it all in one night. We will all be dressed in our finest Italian couture and look like the biggest guidos Long Island has ever seen. So come out to Borrelli's tonight and join us for an epic Italian Night and Italian feast!

Also in honor of my special, I reached out to a bunch of Barstool employees to see what their dish would be if they're ever manipulative enough to swindle a friend into giving them their own dish at their family-owned Italian restaurant. Here were their answers. 

Glenny Balls: "Pappardelle, minced sausage, roasted hot cherry peppers, tomato & parmesan cream sauce"

Balls responded in like 12 seconds so you have to assume this is something he's though about a lot. 

Frankie Borrelli: "I’ve done it and it’s linguini, sautéed shrimp, chunks of clams in a marinara sauce with melted mozzarella."

"I've done it." What do you own an Italian restaurant or something?

Frank The Tank: "Veal parm with garlic bread and cheese fries"

Adding cheese fries is why The Tank is one of the great minds of our generation

Jeff D Lowe: "Homemade Chicken TortLOWEinis with tomato basil sauce."

Kenjac: "Is there such thing as an Italian dish that is poisonous but only to Sicilians? Jk it would be baked ziti cause my mom taught me the best recipe on earth for it"

Ria: "Vodka raviolis with chicken parm with vodka sauce on top. Garlic bread on the side. Oh I want a dab of ricotta thrown onto there"

Fran: "Chicken FRANcese with artichokes and capers"

Feitelberg: "Chicken parm with linguine and arrabiatta sauce. Idk if I invented that or if I’m just hungry for it. Whatever. Italians are gonna get mad anyway cuz that’s the only way they talk abt food."

Spoken like true Irish swine.

Kayce: "Is there a way to make goat cheese the center piece of an item? because i eat that by the spoon full."

Smitty: "Nanny’s homemade gnocchi, meatballs, and Sunday gravy"

Big Ev: "Homemade Rigatoni (has to be made by a small Italian woman straight off the boat) with slices of chicken cutlet, pepperoni, gabagool mixed in with a homemade sauce covered by a overwhelming blanket of fresh mozzarella. Call it Sicilian soup. Can workshop the name but I’m a big alliteration guy."

There's a lot going on here but it sounds absolutely fucking delicious. 

Vibbs: "Something elegant but simple enough for common folk to be able to read it on the menu"

Hubbs: "Creamy pesto pasta over a chicken cutlet with grilled garlic shrimp"

The Wonton Don: "Tortellini Alla Goon: veal rangoons wrapped up tortellini style, covered in a Parmigiano Reggiano cream sauce, topped with a reduced balsamic glaze, fried sage & shaved Parmigiano Reggiano"

Coley: "You know how some restaurants have special dishes that you have to order 24 hours in advanced because they require some extra planning and prep? It would be one of those deals, because my special dish would appear normal on the surface: an unassuming pasta bolognese. But, BUT, this sauce is made from the blood of your enemies. Because there’s nothing more Italian than sweet, sweet vengeance."

I wish I was in the mafia :(

Rico: "rigatoni. Cut up veal, shrimp and chicken Parm. The combo meal as it’s called. Parm sauce obv"

Kelly Keegs: "It would be fusilli pasta with vodka sauce and a huge dollop of ricotta cheese. Sprinkled with Parmesan."

Brianna Chickenfry: "Chicken parm on top of a Bolognese pasta"

Robbie: "sausage and peppers on a french bread roll"

PFT: "Bloody Gazpacho. A cold Italian tomato based soup with mortadella and my special ingredient: Vodka. The ultimate hangover cure"

Liz: "A traditional carbonara with extra guanciale plus snow peas"

Eddie: "Gnocchi with a half slice of veal. Its always a cage match for me between which i order everytime so id just combine it"

Spider: "Chicken broccoli garlic penne"

Chef Donny: "mussel linguine"

Hank: "Spaghetti with butter and light tomato sauce"

Chaps: "I would love it if you could just tell this wait staff that Uncle Chaps sent me.” If you tell them that, a plate of spaghetti and meatballs appeared"

Riggs: "Penne alla vodka with grilled chicken. Not that far off from yours!"

Pat: "seafood fra diavolo"

Marty: "Vodka sauce with a mix of raviolis rigatoni penne and shrimp"

White Sox Dave: "WSD a la vodka: rigatoni noodles with a vodka sauce loaded with crumbled Italian sausage, shaved Parmesan cheese and a little bit of crushed red peppers to add a kick"

Clem: "Extra large Rigatoni with chicken parm, 3 meatballs, and garlic bread"

Jake Marsh: "Chicken parm with rigatoni bolognese"

Billy Football: "Veal Parmesan with red clam sauce on the spaghetti"

Rone: "Gnocchi polenta with a braised short rib ragu"

Marina: "I would make a big dish with like 4 sections, penne ala vodka, shrimp marinara, chicken parm and lasagna topped with cheese. The ultimate italan dish"

Zah: "Chicken Alfredo mushrooms. Putting deli meat on the same place as pasta should land you in jail Tommy"

MRags: "Chicken Parm with Potato Croquettes and Broccoli on the side Salad special - House salad with grilled chicken and Marinara sauce on top"

Carl: "Chicken Marsala. My go to order by far"

Chief: "Cacio Pepe with burrata"

Burrata Gang stand up

Mintz: "Classic veal Parmesan"

Duggs: "No need to reinvent the cheese wheel. Olive Garden’s Tour of Italy is the best."

Dana B: "Spaghetti, pesto, like 30 meatballs and a shitload of Parmesan cheese"

Joey: "Chicken diavalo add shrimp with rigatoni noodles and spicy diavalo sauce on top of 2 pieces of toasted garlic bread"

Big T: "The french fries and Oreo pizza from Mr. Deeds"

Caleb: "no comment!"

Me: "Classic Pressley! We GOTTA hang out again soon"

Caleb: "Yeah dude come on over"

Me: "I’ll book a flight so fast"

Who do you think has the best dish and what would yours be? Sound off in the comments below and smash that subscribe button!