The Texans Announce Deshaun Watson Can Be YOURS for the Low, Low Price of Just 5 Drafts Picks, 3 of Them 1sts

Jerry Thornton7/26/2021 6:50 PM

Eric Christian Smith. Shutterstock Images.

In a perverse kind of way, you almost have to hand it to the Houston Texans organization. It's rare that you witness the level of consistent, steady, and total incompetence they've displayed over the last few years. In any walk of life. In most forms of endeavor, you get some things wrong and some things right, and that's just the nature of human frailty. Ever since Jack "I'm VPing as Bad as I Can" Easterby hit town to run the team after his previous gig leading the Patriots team prayer before meetings, he's achieved an almost perfect record of futility.

Easterby is like the female owner of every fictional sports team - in Slap Shot, Major League and Season 1 of Ted Lasso at least - who tries her damnedest to make her team lose on purpose to serve some nefarious purpose.

And now he's brought on his old boss Nick Caserio to work under him. Caserio has to be wondering why he ever left Foxboro as the offseason L's continue to pile up. With the latest being that the player Caserio had hoped to build around, but then out of nowhere became his biggest headache, just reported to camp. Even though he has no intention of ever playing for Houston again:

Source - The Houston Texans are now willing to listen -- and have been for some time -- to trade offers for star quarterback Deshaun Watson, NFL Network's Tom Pelissero and Ian Rapoport reported Monday morning.
Sources say the price is high for a player of his caliber, and should be. It'd likely take at least three first-round picks and more, per Pelissero.
When Watson reported to camp Sunday, he was respectful, but his demeanor reiterated he doesn't want to be in Houston. The question is, will a team step up with the type of massive offer that would compel the Texans to move him now? Watson also would have to waive his no-trade.

Taking nothing away from Watson's ability, his career resume, his age or his potential, all of which would make him one of the most - if not the most - desirable trade chips in NFL history, but way to read the market, Texans. Watson is still fighting off 22 lawsuits for sexual harassment and sexual assault. No criminal charges have been filed yet, but there's been no promise they won't be filed. The NFL has been sitting on its hands, but Watson is kneeling in suspension's on-deck circle, and that hammer could fall at any time. Any team that decided to pays their money and takes their chances that all these entanglements will straighten themselves out (no doubt thanks to cash payments and non-disclosure agreements) will have to batten down the hatches for the Category 5 PR shitstorm that would make landfall, from all the victim's advocacy groups denouncing the trade and pressuring sponsors to take their money elsewhere.

Plus, no less than five franchises took quarterbacks in the 1st round, reducing the demand significantly. And it bears repeating that the player has demanded a trade and will likely never suit up if his demands aren't met. Yet it's into this Deshaun Watson bear market that the Texans are asking for you to take out a third mortgage on your future in order to pay them top dollar. On a distressed asset. The only way they're going to get even a fraction of Watson's actual worth is to get a bidding war going between as many teams as possible. Demanding three 1sts plus two others is self-defeating. Even among the teams whose QB situation is still up in the air at the start of camp, that's a price that discourages them from even picking up the phone. And no one is going to bid against themselves when the most motivated side in the transaction is the seller.

But this is the kind of bumbling fuckery Cal McNair signed up for when he handed the keys to his kingdom over to this false prophet. It's their standard operating procedure. And a mess of Easterby's own creation, to go along with all the others.