-I hate when people complain about other people complaining about first world problems. I’ve been noticing some comments on my videos, where I complain about a wide variety of things, that say “oh this is such a first world problem.” Uhhh… yeah. I live in the first world. These are my problems. And I can complain about them. Now if I lived in a third world country, sure maybe it would be “Tommy’s Thursday Thoughts Vol. 121 - God I wish I had running water” but I live in New York City and currently my main problems are a broken elevator and how to properly split appetizers. And also may I add, that all of you commenting that, are probably using an iPhone sitting on a couch in an air conditioned room, so let’s not act like you’re some fucking child soldier in Uganda.
-A lot of people like to use astrological signs to determine their compatibility with another person for a relationship, and I think that’s a really good idea. Personally, my compatibility test is that if someone asks me what my sign is, then we are not compatible.
-I always feel bad when an iPhone app asks me if I love it, and I say no. Don’t get me wrong, it can be an extremely useful app that I use a lot, but do I love my Concur Mobile Expense Report Management app? Love is a strong word that I don’t just throw around lightly, so no I can’t say that I do. We can be friends though.
-I’m not sure if Elon or Jeffy B are watching this but if you are, I just want it on the record that I’m not interested in going to space. First of all, I don’t trust rockets. Rocket science is literally known as the hardest thing in the world. Also, it seems boring. The WiFi probably isn’t great. That bathroom situation must be a nightmare. The views are meh, especially if it's a cloudy day. If my choices were going to space or, say, half-off apps at Applebees, well I’d be enjoying some boneless buffalo chicken wings.
-I hope this isn’t too political but I just want to say that obviously there’s some people out there who don’t trust the vaccine and think it could be part of a government plan for population control, and I just want to say that if that is the case, if some shadow government organized this entire pandemic from start to finish, from the initial spread, to the lockdowns, to the vaccines all in aIl in effort to take over the world…. Fucking tip of the cap. Like job well done. What a masterfully executed plan. I’d be more impressed than I’d be mad, to be honest. Credit where credit is due. We never stood a chance. It'd be like one of those nights where Steph Curry is knocking down shots from half court, and there’s just nothing you can do to stop it. You just gotta sit back and watch greatness work. I hope this isn’t the case and I don’t think it is because our government usually can't competently do anything at all, but if it is, what a wildly impressive job.
Thank you for your time.