If You Think Eating Delectable Fruit At Midnight Is Weird Then You're Tacky & I Hate You


So the other night I was stuck on Long Island with one Marty Mush & my daily routine from Monday-Wednesday happened to have come up in conversation. That's when my body is a temple. Strictly grilled chicken, fruit, and the occasional chipotle Aoili from sticky's. I'll wake up in the morning, walk 2 miles to the train to get to work, try to drink a bunch of water, get some grilled chicken from Sticky's (chipotle aioli on the side), and walk back home from the train. Once I'm home I'll do my prep work for dinner which normally includes some chopping up of onions, jalapenos, and the occasional tomato before hitting the BBQ to grill some chicken. Once that's over the night gets REAL boring until 10:30 or so. Then it's time to scour youtube for entertaining videos which normally consists of videos of Tsunamis or animations of historical events before *lighting some candles at 11:30* the night is then CAPPED with fruit. Normally watermelon or grapes.

Of course Marty Mush, or Henry Hill, that fucking rat brought it up on the rundown and I had everyone judging me for my late night routine of alone time & fruit. Is that so bad? Fuck no it's not. What's the problem? Fruit is fucking awesome whether it's enjoyed at 6am, 1pm, 6pm, or 12am. The only problem that happened last night was that those grapes weren't ROCK HARD. I need my grapes ice cold & rock hard. If you happen to enjoy your grapes any other way I really don't know what to say but what disgusting human likes a mushy grape? I'd rather eat a well-done steak. 

I wish I had had some watermelon, but frankly the watermelon at the supermarket yesterday looked subpar. If it ain't dark red-get the fuck out of my face because there's no better bite in the fruit world than the perfect watermelon bite. I'm crying thinking about it. Can't wait to get back in the fruit game Monday night.