It felt disgustingly humid when I went outside for the first time this morning, so I decided to order myself an Uber to work so I didn't show up to the office all sweaty and gross - pretty considerate to my coworkers if you ask me. No big deal tho.
I call the Uber, I watch it arrive, I get in, and almost immediately, I see a big ol' fuckin cockroach climbing on the ceiling above my head. This musta been two minutes into our thirty minute ride.
Little known fact about me? Bugs - but mainly COCKROACHES - are my biggest fear. Call me a pussy, take my man card, do what you must - I can't change who I am. I've been terrified of cockroaches and similar lookin critters for as long as I could remember. I see em, I turn into Indiana Jones in the presence of snakes....
So I frantically scurry out of the way of this cockroach's path, making sure it doesn't fall on my head, and say to the driver, "I think you've got a cockroach in here!" thinkin maybe he'll be my knight in shining armor and smash it or fling it out the window or something. He didn't tho - he just turned around and went, "Oh yeah? Huh! How long you live in Jersey City?" and by the time I looked back at the ceiling, the little fucker was GONE.
Now I'm in full blown panic mode with a cockroach on the loose, eyes darting every which way, making sure my feet aren't touching the ground (they still aren't as I'm writing this blog), and feeling like I'm on the first ever Fear Factor x Cash Cab collab when I see it. This retched fucking creature was climbing up on the back seat right next to me like he paid for an Uber Pool.
I wanted proof that this happened so I whipped my phone out and took the video you see above, and then ripped a piece of paper outta my backpack and flung that turd right under the driver's seat, losing it again.
For the next twenty minutes, I just sat there in fear like the kids from 'Jurassic Park' trapped in a car with a cockroach….
….and luckily never saw it again. I even got out a few blocks early and walked up to the office just to get out of that hell hole, and to be completely honest, I still gave the guy five stars. Some good karma better be headed my way for that one.
Moral of the story? I guess public transportation isn't as bad as I thought.