The Man Hired to Investigate Chauncey Billups Just Got Fired for Liking Cuckold Porn

Let me just start out by saying, for the record… I do not kink shame nor do I condone kink-shaming. Whatever scratches that itch deep inside your soul, regardless of whether you want to admit it to the world, go for it. 

But there are just certain jobs where you can’t air your dirty, kinky laundry out in the open. Thankfully, I don’t have one of them. 

This is the background. The Portland Trail Blazers hired Chauncey Billups as their head coach. Before they did, they hired a former FBI agent to serve as an outside investigator to look into Chauncey Billups’ past. The investigator, David Hallman, has been on the Blazers payroll for over a decade now; he buries his head into their private lives and teases out their dirty secrets and reports back to the organization as to whether they are good enough boys and girls for the job. 

Everything was going great until the investigator got investigated. Oregon Public Broadcasting and the Willamette Week did some digging on their own to look into Hallman’s background (to find out how legit the Blazers due diligence actually was) and guess what they found?

A WHOLE LOT OF CUCKOLD PORN. On his Twitter timeline. 

ON. HIS. TWITTER. TIMELINE. 

You might ask yourself, hey, what’s the problem Trysta? The man just wants the world to know his kink is eating sloppy cream pies. And yeah, there’s no harm in that. Half of the Barstool comment section and almost all the men working for this company are probably turned on by that thought. Some have even discussed it publicly. So what’s the big deal?

The big deal is threefold. As the original reddit user posted to /r/ripcity, this man also made a lot of anti-gay, anti-trans comments on his feed, yet somehow is so turned on by the idea of ingesting another man’s sperm that he felt the need to tell the world. Maybe that’s part of his kink too. Two, he’s publicly posting porn on a timeline (even if it’s just liked, because those likes as everyone knows are PUBLIC) while being entrusted to investigate a very serious sexual crime. And third, Blazers GM Neil Olshey used this man’s “findings” to tell the fan base, hey we took a long, deep, hard look into this and I am here to tell you, shhhhhh just trust us. We know what we’re doing. 

Really, Neil? We should trust a probe led by a man who can’t keep from tweeting porn despite owning a firm that investigates sexual crimes? When you ACTIVELY silenced Chauncey at his intro press conference from addressing these issues directly and from himself, and allowed the issue to build up as a result?

The news broke this morning and it has set a lot of shit in motion. Blazers spokeswoman Ashley Clinkscale (more like Kink-scale) announced that the team had fired Hallman and his firm. As an aside, her first day on the job was Billups' introductory press conference. Poor girl’s been on the rack ever since. 

And like clockwork, right after the news story broke, rumors out of Portland… Dame wants out. 

I don’t believe these rumors. Can’t believe it, truthfully. But regardless of what happens next, what we do know is that no one has ever botched a coaching hire in a more bizarre way than the Portland Trailblazers. 

Their tagline is “keep Portland Weird”. Nothing weirder than a coaching search tainted by cuckold porn.  

And besides everyone knows if Dame wants out there’s only one place he’s going to land.

THIS LEAGUE