Now that weddings are back in the picture, our weekends are clogged up with
obligation fun parties and spending time with our friends again. Weddings are…a nightmare? Yea, I think that about covers it. Sure, there are beautiful moments of love, there is lots of fun to be had on the dance floor, sometimes you get a good meal out of it, it's always fun to dress up, blah blah blah. But getting there? Getting flights, getting an outfit, figuring out how much work you have to take off/if any. That shit sucks. And if you're IN the wedding? Sure, it's nice to be recognized as an "elite" friend. You're so important to the bride/groom, that you get a title to prove it. Your friend wants to enter this new chapter in their life with you by their side. That's always nice, but it usually costs a fortune and bleeds you dry of ALL free time. The worst part of all? Figuring out if you are allowed to bring a Plus One.
I originally asked for people 30 and over, mostly because this is where I/most of my friends fall. I've known this was a controversial topic, but I don't think I've ever noticed how PRESSED people get about Plus Ones, on both sides of the coin. So, based on my twitter replies and a bit of very loose research I've done - do you deserve to have a Plus One to the next wedding you are going to?
You Are Married/Engaged/Living With Someone - YES
General consensus is that if you are married, you absolutely get to bring your spouse. If you are engaged, they are also welcome. If you are "seriously dating or live together," you also get one, as long as the Bride/Groom knows the person. (I think this should be an automatic yes, because how fucking weird would it be to be like, "bye honey, headed out to this destination wedding without you!" So awkward lol)
Does this make sense? Of course. If you are any of the above, you come as a pair. All brides/grooms seem to respect this fact.
You Are Single With No Significant Other - NO
Hmmm. This is where things get iffy for me. I've been all things at weddings - single with a plus one, in a serious relationship, and single WITHOUT a plus one. Going to weddings when you are single, and you aren't guaranteed to know a lot of people there, fucking sucks. But, if you DO know a lot of people, it's totally fine. However, it's also THE MOST ANNOYING THING IN THE WORLD when people assume that "the single people will all hang out." It's like when you force your college friends and your high school friends to hang out. Sure, they have you in common, but they didn't CHOOSE to be hanging out with these people. If I wanted to meet new people, I'd get on a dating app. Separately - are the stars of the show (B+G) really concerned about people bringing shitty randoms? Should you even invite that person to your wedding if you don't trust them to bring someone who isn't going to puke all over the dance floor or hit on the mother of the bride? I think if someone is seriously so untrustworthy that they can't be expected to bring someone who isn't a trashbag, it's time to cut that friend off the roster of life. Denying them a plus one doesn't send a clear enough message.
When it comes to expenses, I get that 100%. Especially like Rico says above, if the bride and groom are paying themselves. In that case, just be lucky you made the cut.
If You Are In The Bridal Party - MAYBE
I've been in….4? weddings at this point. The first one I was in, I got a plus one, I had a semi-serious boyfriend and he knew a ton of people at the wedding too. I didn't have to worry about entertaining him, so I brought him. The next two, I was offered a plus one if I wanted one, but I declined because I wasn't dating anyone seriously, and I knew I'd be busy. I also had a lot of friends at each of those weddings. I have the fourth coming up, this time I wasn't offered a plus one, but I would have declined if I had been. I only know a few people at the wedding, it's across the country, and that would've been a lot to have someone else deal with who isn't a long term boyfriend. I've also BEEN a plus one to a wedding where my boyfriend was in the wedding - that was fine, because all of the wives/girlfriends hung out together while the boys were groomsmen. If they hadn't been there, I would've hated being alone probably. Based on the standpoint of "feelings," it was always nice to be offered the extra seat. I'm giving up a lot of my time and money, albeit for good friends, so its nice to know I'm not just a servant to the cause, and my friends care about the time I'm going to have, too. People get weird about weddings when they're single, and it's nice to know you aren't being overlooked as "the single friend who doesn't care either way." Sometimes, you do care! Other times, you just try your best to make your friend's day special, and spend more time at the bar than you do on the dance floor.
If You Don't Want To Look Cheap/Rude/Like A Cockblock - YES
"Looking cheap" is something a lot of people care about. No open bar? You're cheap. Not everyone gets a plus one? I don't think this necessarily puts you in the category of "frugal." Will you look rich and baller if everyone gets a plus one, there's an open bar, and there's also a 50,000 dollar flower wall behind you during the ceremony? Absolutely. But I think it's a lot to assume that everyone can afford to double their guest list.
I DO love this angle of not cockblocking though. That girl is right!! Everyone deserves a little lovin' when there's so much manufactured romance in the air. Why bother spending $300+ on a bridesmaid's dress if you aren't going to ruin it with
cum stains spilled drinks after dancing with the only other single hottie in your midst that isn't related to the bride or groom?
If It's A Family Wedding - PROBABLY NOT
This one, to me, is the most obvious. If you aren't in a serious relationship, why would you even WANT to bring someone to a family function? When I was in high school/college, I was QUICK to introduce guys to my family. Now, my next boyfriend will have to hold me at gunpoint to get me to introduce them to my parents, alone. The questions, the pressure - I'm getting hives just thinking about it. Also, it's your family. You know everyone there. There are TONS of people to talk to, and probably a lot of shit you can help out with. Use this wedding as the time to spend with your crew, and don't worry about getting laid for one night. You'll survive.
So, where do you fall? Is bringing a plus one worth the trouble, or would you rather just roll up alone? If you aren't offered one, are you going to be sensitive bitch and cry in the corner to every slow song wishing you had a boyfriend/girlfriend with you? Are you gonna fuck someone in the bridal party to numb the loneliness? Are you leaving your significant other at home so you can get some time away from them? We've got a LOT of postponed 2020 weddings to make up for. Plan accordingly, and whatever happens, don't be an asshole. Just go along with the ride.