Dwayne Johnson Doing Play-by-Play of a Hawk-Snake Fight is the Reason the Internet Exists
Point of inquiry: We're no longer calling him Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson anymore, right? I mean, it made sense when he was first making the transition from the WWE to Hollywood. But now that he's saved the world a dozen times in movies that have grossed about $10 billion dollars, is Disney's most bankable star and gotten to work with Alexandra Daddario a couple of times:
… I feel like we no longer need to identify him by what his old job was. Besides that, in my opinion, is the most recognizable and most popular person on the planet at the moment. So we can drop the qualifier.
Anyway, if you needed any more proof that Johnson leads a charmed life, and I don't know why you would, here it is. Mere mortals like you and me don't simply look out our front windows on the way to the gym and have an incredible display of nature's savage cruelty playing right outside our door. If we did, it would be the most amazing thing to happen to us all year. The thing we wouldn't shut up about until everyone in our lives and everyone on our socials grew sick of hearing about it. But for Johnson, things like this are probably part of his daily routine. The animal kingdom just being drawn to his DJ energy.
If I can offer a critique, and I admit that this sounds petty coming from just an ordinary schmuck and not the supernatural figure that he is, I wish Johnson had just committed to the bit a little more. He sort of just talked about how cool it was, made a couple of PG-13 jokes about "head" and "tail." When this was the perfect opportunity to go all in on calling this like a wrestling match. Done a Vince McMahon voice or Mean Gene Okerlund. Or, ideally, Nature Boy Ric Flair (I will never drop his nickname; it would be disrespectful). At the very least, this was a situation that called for maybe a nature film narration, like Richard Attenborough or Steve Irwin.
I understand it's hard to come up with something like that in moment when a majestic hunting bird is devouring his prey right outside your door. But it's not too big an ask of the world's biggest action star. And someone who's talking about running for President. If we're going to vote to give someone the nuclear launch codes, the least he can do is be able to think on his feet when the world presents him with a golden opportunity like this. I'd say it's a once in a lifetime chance and he blew it. But with him, he'll probably have another one up tomorrow. This fucking guy.