Merchapolooza | 10% Off The Barstool Store When You Use Your Favorite Personality's CodeSHOP NOW

When I Die, They're Going To Put My Brain In The Smithsonian #BarstoolVsAmerica

I've been waiting this WHOLE game for a challenge to turn mental. Clocking in at 5'9, 120 (on a good day) I have never been very athletic. I'm relatively limber, not terribly uncoordinated, and clearly I've been able to survive up to this point doing physical things, but generally speaking, I'm weak and slow as fuck. 

We got to Chicago, and the captain challenge was bowling. I fucking hate bowling. Really despise it. But luckily, I picked Hot Luke, and he led me to the place I've been trying to be every minute since the trip started - I AM THE CAPTAIN NOW.

Heading into the group challenge, as Captain, with the added wrinkle of PLANE TICKETS, I knew we had to win. I knew my body was going to try and betray me, as it always does, and I would have to ignore it and focus on my brain. Memorization is my shit. I've got a LOT of people talking about how MeMoRiZiNg Is sO EaSy, ThiNk Of A MnEuMoNiC DeViCe….mmm, no. That's not how I do things. Why are you going out of your way to think of a whole new phrase, to memorize something you can just learn right in that moment? We have Jeff D Lowe delivering it to us with his melodic voice like the lyrics of a song - I memorized it all that way. After starting off 0-2, solely because we couldn't get our cans up on the podiums fast enough, I knew my brain would be the only thing helping us with the last 3 rounds to win. Six can flavors is a lot to memorize, I knew the Blue Team could never do it. After getting a second to breathe, finally figuring out how to get through the course (almost) as fast as Pat, and trying to forget about my lungs collapsing, we did it. 

I'm a genius, plain and simple. If it were easy, it wouldn't have been the hardest challenge so far. Could other people on the yellow team have done it? Probably. But I don't trust anyone's brain more than I trust my own. I spoke all trip about wanting a mental challenge, and I got one. And my teammates made it fucking happen alongside me.

Get ready for the finale. Emotions are ALL OVER THE PLACE. Tonight at 7, will I get the money and the beach house?