Fair Or Fowl: A Man Allegedly Threatened To Blow Up A McDonald's Because They Forgot His Chicken McNuggets Dipping Sauces (BONUS: Top 5 Worst Things That Can Happen To You At A McDonald's)
(Source)- An Iowa man was arrested Saturday after police say he threatened to blow up a McDonald’s because the restaurant didn’t include dipping sauce for his Chicken McNuggets. Sgt. Corey Schneden with the Ankeny Police Department said 42-year-old Robert Golwitzer Jr. called a McDonald’s restaurant in Ankeny around 5:20 p.m. Saturday after discovering his order was incorrect.
In the call, Golwitzer allegedly threatened to blow up the restaurant and punch an employee. According to a criminal complaint, police called Golwitzer at the phone number used to make the threat. Police said he admitted over the phone, and later in an interview at the police department, that he made the threats.
There are two types of people in this world: People that have experienced the travesty that Bob Golwitzer II may have went through last week and people that are blessed to never live through such hardships. If you fall into the first bucket like myself, you understand why Robert Golwitzer may have allegedly threatened to blow his local Mickey D's off the map.
When I sit down at my house to engorge in some McNuggets only to realize they are either going in my mouth dry or with some condiment random from my fridge that is most certainly not what I ordered from the Golden Arches, all I see is red and briefly become a mushroom cloud laying motherfucker, motherfucker. How quickly I can diffuse that anger depends strictly on how hungry I am and how many bag fries I found while searching for my Sweet & Sour Sauce packets that will forever be MIA (since let's be honest, Sweet & Sour Sauce is the only McDonald's sauce that would cause someone to start throwing around such serious threats).
Our pal Bob clearly was an 11 out of 10 on the Hangry Scale and crossed a line that should never be crossed. You can have that quick urge to want to blow up the entire planet when you realize the good people at The House That Ronald Built forgot your dipping sauces. However, once that explosive anger subsides, you have to take a look in the mirror and realize who was at fault for not checking the bag before leaving the drive thru. That's Day 1 McDonald's customer shit that I was doing years before I even had a driver's license or enough money to buy a 4 piece McNuggets. Be better for me one time Robert, even though I am truly sorry about your dry nuggets experience.
As an apology for the bad dad joke I made in the headline, here are my Top 5 Worst Feelings You Can Get After McDonald's which are kinda Bottom 5 I suppose.
5. Taking your fries out of the bag only to see that you were hit with a Fry Tax of roughly 40% of the box by whoever drove home your McDonald's (Which you can't complain about because the game's the game yo).
4. Getting home and realizing they forgot to give you Sweet & Sour Sauce
3. Cold McDonald's, which pretty much means inedible McDonald's
2. Finding out they gave you the wrong order. Could be the worst feeling if number 1 wasn't such a beast and the outside chance you actually got a better meal
1. Locking eyes in the parking lot with another person eating McDonald's in their car. I don't think Shame begins to cover the feelings rushing through your gut when those two pairs of eyes meet as you gorge yourself. Actually hopeless is the word. Just writing about this has me feeling that pit in my stomach. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to throw up.
Also Receiving Votes: It's only applicable when you are a kid, but getting a Happy Meal toy that you already had is a bruuuuutal feeling as is missing out on McDonald's breakfast by mere minutes, which was no longer an issue until they removed all day breakfast right before the world shut down last March.