St. Patrick's Day Collection | T-Shirts, Hoodies, Crewnecks, Hats, FlagsSHOP NOW

In All Time Friday News Dumps, The Pentagon's Long Awaited UFO Report Finally Came Out Last Night...

And it was a steaming pile of monkey shit.

Giphy Images.

NY TIMES - The government still has no explanation for nearly all of the scores of unidentified aerial phenomena reported over almost two decades and investigated by a Pentagon task force, according to a report released on Friday, a result that is likely to fuel theories of otherworldly visitations.

A total of 143 reports gathered since 2004 remain unexplained, the document released by the Office of the Director of National Intelligence said. Of those, 21 reports of unknown phenomena, involving 18 episodes, possibly demonstrate technological capabilities that are unknown to the United States: objects moving without observable propulsion or with rapid acceleration that is believed to be beyond the capabilities of Russia, China or other terrestrial nations. But, the report said, more rigorous analysis of those episodes is needed.

There is no evidence that any of the episodes involve secret American weapons programs, unknown technology from Russia or China or extraterrestrial visitations. But the government report did not rule out those explanations.

The nine-page document essentially declines to draw conclusions, announcing that the available reporting is “largely inconclusive” and noting that limited and inconsistent data created a challenge in evaluating the phenomena.

The report said the number of sightings was too limited for a detailed pattern analysis.

I'm not sure what else we were expecting here. I knew I shouldn't have got my hopes up. 

This is Federal Government 101:

“There could be, or could not be. We don’t know, we can neither confirm nor deny”

The name of the game when you work for the government is living to see another day. If you don't jump to any conclusions, and continue to just kick the can down the road, you're pretty much guaranteed a job for life. 

Having meetings to set up meetings, to set up other meetings is just the way it goes.

Hyping up a bombshell "report" and then releasing it like a fart in the wind like this, where you don't actually conclude anything and tell everybody you're working on it? That's textbook D.C. baby.

Government officials outlined a plan to develop, if additional funding is available, a better program to observe and collect data on future unexplained phenomena.

The failure to reach a conclusion on the unexplained episodes raised questions about how seriously the government has taken them until now and whether it had assembled adequate scientific expertise to examine them.

Too little data exists to draw a conclusion about many of the episodes, officials said. But both scientific experts and enthusiastic amateurs have advanced explanations ranging from the mundane to the otherworldly and the report did little to substantiate or dismiss their theories.

Bingo. 

There it is. 

"We would love to tell the American public, and vis-à-vis the planet who exactly is out there fucking with us, we just don't have the funds…"

Cannot wait to see what kind of budget gets allocated to this second round "study". The way funny money's getting printed and thrown around today you gotta figure it'll be in the trillions. Intergalactic planetary research doesn't come cheap homey.

How about rather than having the department of defense head their own internal study, we outsource this project? 

Have the Pentagon turn over all their files and collection of data and let people who have literally devoted their entire lives to the cause already. They would probably do it for free.

I'm talking about Tom from Blink-182 and the Ancient Aliens guys. 

Giphy Images.

Done and done.