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The Best Way To Make An Elevator Ride Extremely Awkward

-I think the key to success in life is having a middle school teacher tell you that you’re going to be a failure. Seems like every pro athlete and celebrity has a story of some teacher telling them to give up their dream and that they’ll never achieve it. Personally, I was just a good student and my teachers said “Smart kid. Needs to participate more.” If they were a little more critical, I think I could be a movie star by now.

-Kids shouldn’t be celebrated or have parties for graduating elementary school. It’s literally illegal to not go to school at that age. It’d be like throwing yourself a party for not murdering anyone. 

-The only reason to ever carry coins in your wallet is so that you can use them at your next transaction to avoid getting more coins back. It’s a never ending cycle. 

-My wildest fantasy in life is to one day have someone ask me to “draw the curtain” for them. But then instead of opening the curtain, I whip out a nearby pen and pad and just draw a picture of the curtain. If this happens, I can die happy. 

-I don’t like how Seamless adds a restaurant to my “Go To” list after just one order. I think you have to order from a place at least three times for it to become one of your true “go tos.” 

-In my 150 page master Google Doc with all my ideas for thoughts, I have written down “I feel cool drinking coffee out of a mug” THREE separate times. I don’t totally know how to turn that into a full thought but it’s clearly something I feel very strongly about. 

-Here’s a fun game I play with my roommate to make elevator rides with strangers more awkward. I’ll say something like, “Nick said he’s bringing over bagels tomorrow.” And then my roommate precedes to not know what a bagel is. He’ll say “Wait what?” And then I say “Bagels for breakfast.” “I don’t know what that is” “It’s like a round thing of dough. Cream cheese. Butter. eggs.” He still looks perplexed, the elevator ride usually ends, and the stranger is confused for the rest of their lives. Try it sometime and let me know how it goes. 

Thank you for your time.