I Am Going To Make This Loud And Clear: I Am NOT Derek Jeter

Got tagged in this pic tonight. Apparently Derek Jeter looks like me? Fuck outta my face. Look - I'm not an idiot. I get it. He's a handsome dude that slayed women at a pace that would make Son of Sam proud during his time in NYC. It's an easy comparison to make by looks alone, specifically his *perfectly* groomed beard that he clearly ripped off of me:

But I want to make this loud and clear: I am NOT Derek Jeter and I am DISGUSTED that I'm being compared to that overrated slap hitting butcher of a SS. 

"But WSD, he won like a million Gold Gloves!! He was a GREAT SS!!!"

Giphy Images.

Shut the fuck up. Take you Gold Gloves and shove them up your fucking ass. Want a real measurement that's not some dick sucking contest? Take these STATS to heart, if you do:

Derek Jeter career defensively:

– Negative 152 defensive runs saved (impeding a run from scoring by making a non-routine play): worst in baseball history and more than 2x the second worst ever
– Negative 66.1 ultimate zone rating (number of outs above or below average in range runs (explained below) or error runs: worst in baseball history
– 89.3 Range Runs rating, (how well he gets to baseballs not in his vicinity): worst in baseball history, 2x more than 2nd worst ever
– 11.2 Def rating, (how he fields his position with respect to league average): 8th worst in baseball history

I could go on. And on. And on. And on… and don't even make me get into his offensive "prowess" or how he never won an MVP.

Just a god fucking awful defensive short stop. So stop comparing him to me and my 12+ ERA at my shitty D3 school. I get I'm not the best looking guy around but to compare me Derek Jeter is just flat out insulting. Call me anything you want, don't call me Jeter. I think that's a fair request.