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USA Would Win Every World Cup From Now Until The End Of Time If Matthew McConaughey Was The Team's Official Hype Man

You want USA soccer to finally be on top of the world where we rightfully belong? You want the boys in Red, White, and Blue to be dominating the pitch every 4 years and making the rest of the world their collective bitch?

Turns out all we've been missing is having McConaughey out there to get the fellas fired up. I mean how on god's green earth could you expect any other nation to be able to compete with this? Who would the Germans throw out there to compete? How could you ever expect Ronaldo or Messi to be good enough at this point in their career to cancel out McConaughey? Neymar? See ya later, dork. 

If US Soccer hires Matthew McConaughey to be the team's new Director of Morale, then it's a greenlight to World Supremacy for the next several decades until we all blow each other up in a nuclear war. 

Seems to be slightly less electrifying without the crowd getting involved, though. If we're being perfectly honest. But the point still stands. Fire whoever is on the coaching staff right now and let's just ride with Pulisic and McConaughey moving forward. Listos! Verde!