The Amount Of Slander Orange Freeze Pops Get Is Uncalled For An Utter Bullshit (Bonus: Freeze Pop Power Rankings)
Here I was last night minding my own business and eating a delicious freeze pop. Yeah, I said popsicle in the tweet. My son who isn't even 2 yet just houses these and calls them popsicles so it's my head as a popsicle. But it's ice cream week and soon to be Father's Day, figured let's combine the two here. Shoot out a top-3 kid snack to steal which was a discussion on Podfathers (grow the brand, grow the brand, promote the brand). Plus, people fucking love freeze pops. Top summer snack. Then I was viciously attacked and it was completely uncalled for.
Chaps! A man I considered a pal and a friend just wrote off orange freeze pops which led to more attacks.
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What the fuck people? Orange freeze pops as trash? I've been stewing over this for nearly 12 hours now. I consulted with the true snack God, Clem who told me there was only one option. Blog it and stand for what you believe in. Well goddamnit, Clem, this is what I'm going to do.
ORANGE IS GOOD. There I said it. Orange is good. It's the one you know you can always count on. It's the safe play. It's taking Mikal Bridges at 10 and knowing he's a 3-and-D player who isn't going to be a star but is always there for you. Well, unless you're the Sixers. It's consistent. It's refreshing and delicious. It's why Orange Gatorade is my number 1. I'll fight to the death about it. Give me the consistent, slap hitter that's on base and not taking an out. How many more sports references can I make? Not to mention orange/clementines are just good in general too. I'll eat those to be 'healthy.'
I then got to thinking. What's the true power rankings of flavors. Note, we're talking freeze pops here. It's by color. No one gives a shit about 'flavor' name. We're going with the traditional ones too because that's what we grew up on.
7. Yellow
6. Red
5. Green
4. Purple
3. Orange
2. Pink
1. Blue
Simple. Blue and pink are elite. I favor blue, I'll listen to an argument about pink. No doubt in my mind people will want pink at 1. I get it. I'm a blue guy. Top color in the world, always has been, always will be. There's a reason Kentucky is the gold standard of college hoops and it's because they are blue. If they were red they'd just be facing consistent extortion charges like Louisville. I ranted about orange already. Same tier as orange is purple. You know what you're getting with a purple. Then it's a drop. Red could be a little higher but nothing good really comes in red outside of Gatorade. Medicine as a kid? Red. Indiana? Red. No thank you. Green is a wild card. It could be a little sour or tangy. It could be fine. Don't get me wrong, I'm eating all of these but if I'm lining up green is the risky business. And then yellow. A clear cut last. No doubt about it in my mind.
Like I said, freeze pops are the go-to summer snack. One of the big pros of having a kid is just having unlimited amount of these in the house at all times now. He gets one, I get one. He goes to sleep, I get one. You can house 3 of these easily. Sure the sugar melts you but it keeps you wanting more.
In conclusion, orange ACTUALLY GOOD. That sums up my lecture on freeze pops.
Check out ice cream week here:
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