One Last Thing On Call Her Daddy: Why $60 million?

Large6/17/2021 4:46 AM

Here’s what I know…

I just wrote about the Call Her Daddy deal a couple of hours ago, so writing about it again so soon makes me seem a little too obsessed with the whole situation.
You’re not supposed to title a blog with a question… Apparently people read blogs for answers so sometimes titles that ask something of the potential reader are easy to skip over.
I don’t care if people skip over this blog.
It's midnight, and I’ve been drinking.

Okay… So those are the 4 things I know.

Here’s the one thing I can’t figure out…

Why the fuck did Spotify give Alex $60 million?

Does everyone else think that is an absolute egregious fucking number?… Or is it just me?

(It's a rhetorical question.)

Let’s say the headline read CALL HER DADDY GETS 30 MILLION OVER THREE YEARS FROM SPOTIFY, wouldn’t you have said, “Holy shit!… Ten million per for 3 years is a shit-ton of dough!”

Or let’s say the headline read CALL HER DADDY HITS SPOTIFY’S BID ON 'JUST' 15 MILLION OVER THREE YEARS, I still would’ve said, “'JUST'?… Are you fucking kidding me?… Good for Alex… Getting 5 mill a year for that shit!”

But SIXTY MILLION DOLLARS?

What the fuck am I missing?… Spotify does not make investments just to get their original number back, so can someone explain how an executive at Spotify was able to convince someone else at Spotify who writes the checks that they’ll get back at least double what they put out?… How did that first guy convince the second guy Alex is going to generate $120 million in revenue for their company over the next 3 years?

And the funny thing is, I don’t doubt that she’ll do it… That slutty sorceress.

Giphy Images.

But I spent a quarter of a century looking at P&L sheets (profits & losses) before I came to Barstool, and right now, I see Spotify is in a position where they need a shitload of “P” out of one young lady who tends to only talk about 2 other Ps… Pussies and Penises.

Here's a late-night Wall Street story…

I remember there was a sales trader who covered a HUGE account on Wall Street… An account that paid brokerage houses handsomely for their services and rarely used any of those houses' capital when trading… So (as we just learned above) they had a tremendous amount of P with very little L.

Every house on the street wanted to hire this guy because his relationship with this account was fucking rock solid and this account did nearly all of their biz through him.

He would sign either 2 or 3-year deals and then when his deal was about to expire he put himself in the open market to whoever wanted to sign him to his next deal for more money.

However, one year, he shook down his employer a little early… His 2-year deal was not yet up, but he wanted to re-sign with his current shop for another 3 years at a higher guaranteed salary and bonus.

The shop agreed, they signed the papers, and then (less than a month later) his account went what we call “black box”, meaning they sent ALL of their business through algorithms and no longer used the more expensive services of trading desks.

The move to black box made 100% sense since so much of the order flow began going through the machines and dark pools at the time, but people couldn’t help but think this now useless sales trader knew his primary account was going to walk away, so he rushed to negotiate his final deal in order to ring that cash register one more time.

I admired the guy for being so devious, and that was my favorite shakedown story of all time.

Until now.

If anyone has a rough guess on how this can be profitable for Spotify, let me know because right now all I see is that both Barstool and Spotify are playing checkers while Alex Cooper is Bobby fucking Fischer.