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The Stripper Capitals Of North America Will Face Off In The Stanley Cup Semifinal

Nobody predicted this before the season. Of all of the myriad Stanley Cup Final and Semifinal possibilities, nobody talked about the strip joint capital of Canada facing off against the strip joint capital of America for a ticket to the Cup Final. But here we are.

Never mind cheesy mayor bets. I need Chez Parée and the Spearmint Rhino to make a wager on the outcome. If heavily-favored Vegas wins, the Rhino gets 10 lap dance stools (like the ones from the circus), a keg of Blue Light, 100 lbs. of moosemeat, and a buffet tray of poutine (including Sterno). If the Habs somehow pull it off, the Chez gets an ounce of blow, vouchers to ride the Stratopshere rides, three card-slappers, and two comely lasses of virtue true. Plus they can make the Strip its bitch like it did to Toronto.

It's just too bad that Canada is still in lockdown/semi-lockdown so these ladies can't take their respective shows on the road to show the differences in the Canadian game vs. the American game (even though they're all Eastern European).

I know some people are clamoring for Tampa but if you can't a) drink booze and, b) look at nipples/areolae and bush (or the area where bush is traditionally found), then your strip joint isn't world class, I don't care how hot the women are. I've never been to Atlanta or Portland so I can't vouch for either city. 

My first visit to a strip joint was November of 1989 and the place was Montreal. I was 17 and known as "Brian Allen" that weekend.

I forget which place though it wasn't one of the name joints (Super Sexe, the Chez, Wanda's, or the dive Cleopatra's). But I don't forget that I fell in (stripper) love that weekend while guzzling Fuzzy Navels. You never forget your first dimly-lit, irrational, drunken HS senior love. I may have gone back once or twice. 

For my money and (figurative) bang-for-your-buck, Montreal is the better spot. Can walk from place to place or take a quick cab ride. Non-extortionary cover charges. A beer/drink isn't a total rip-off. And the women are equally attractive to Vegas. I've been to Vegas dozens of times. I can count my titty bar stops on one, unoccupied hand. I'd rather drop a nickel playing roulette. Sue me. 

What other world cities are renowned for their peel palaces?