Who Would Be On Your City's Jerry Springer Pro Athlete Security Team?

This was a nice little nugget from Jerry on Redline Radio. It's not surprising that athletes were rolling through the Springer Show during it's hey day of the 90s. That thing was a cultural revolution. I am sure that athletes all over the country would go to morning skate/shoot around/etc, go back to their house/hotel, put on Springer and then doze off until it's time to go to the arena. Athletes probably have logged more hours watching the creatures on Jerry Springer than anyone besides kids skipping school because they're "sick". 

When Jerry said that be basically let some athletes go to Steve Wilkos Fantasy camp in the 90s and let these guys act as security it got my brain going on who would be the best 5 man security team from Chicago sports from that era. And by that era I mean 1991 to 2009 when the show left for Connecticut. I asked Ed for his answer and the first thing out of his mouth was Dennis Rodman

Umm…IMMEDIATELY NO. You do NOT want crazy people on your security team. You need people who will first and foremost show up to work. Not one of Rodman's strengths. You also don't want a guy who will take a bad situation and make it worse. 

Having a fuck up person on your basketball team is good. Having a fuck up person on your security team leads to lawsuits and more chaos. The Worm is out unfortunately. 

This is my list. I will probably contradict my Rodman position at some point, but the list is the list. This is the group to keep everything on lockdown. 

1) Bob Probert

The first thing you need in any security crew is a deterrent. Whenever blood starts boiling and emotions are running high you need the people involved to look over at someone and think to themselves "oh fuck, I need to calm down before this guy breaks my face into a zillion pieces". That was literally how Probert made a living. Punching some people, but scaring most people into behaving properly. That's what you need. 

2) Olin Kreutz

Gotta have a few big bodies that genuinely enjoy smothering people. Kreutz has that mean streak mixed with a cool guy chill Hawaiian vibe. Don't make him angry because he will put you through a fucking wall, but the rest of the time he is going to be good company for the squad. Step out of line and he will literally break your face. 

3) Ben Wallace

I guess the theme here is "am I afraid of you just by looking at you" and Ben Wallace fits that category to a T right there with Probert and Kreutz. Ben Wallace couldn't really exist in today's NBA. A true enforcer and rim protector that has virtually zero offensive ability. What he can do is beat the piss out of people if it came to it. He's one of the most jacked dudes I can think of. 

4) Kyle Farnsworth

Just going strictly off the tape

He can just do the job. He didn't really start this fight, but when it was over it was clear that he wanted the smoke, could handle the smoke, and anyone who thinks otherwise just needs to check the tape. Someone throws a chair, Farnsworth would throw a fist into your forehead. 

5) Dustin Byfuglien 

Absolutely lovable and a freak of nature. Look how he just manhandles that pile of 200lb professional athletes and drags them off all by himself. If the set and audience went haywire Byfuglien could just come in and ragdoll whoever he needed to and then pin their heads down between his legs while he put two others in a choke hold. There's not a day that goes by that I don't miss Byfuglien. I wish they found a way to keep him after 2010 because there is nobody like him. A gif machine that I never got to blog. 

I think that is the ideal Chicago crew to run security with Wilkos between 1991-2009. I think I'd put that crew up against anyone from any city during that same time period, but that is definitely my bias and I gave almost zero thought to any other city. I'd love to see what the comment section/twitter can come up with to compete with this squad, but this squad is a force.

The full episode of Redline from our new studio is live. Listen to the full ep here. I know that acoustics aren't perfect because we are waiting on a few more things to be installed in the new studio, but it felt good to not be playing footsie with Carl and WSD in the corner of an insurance office.