I was in between 10 and 5 for the official list but ultimately settled on 5 after a frank conversation with Social Media Guy Danny. You really have to be an expert on something to be deciphering between 8 and 9, etc. And even so, I feel like this is one of those areas where you can quickly get the point. So I've opted instead to run a tight ship and focus on the Big Boy moments of The Jerry Springer show. Out of respect to you, I've omitted any and all instances of genital mutilation, beastiality, incest and the like. That's no way to start the weekend.
Instead, I've parsed it down to 5 moments that perfectly embody the spirit and chaos that made the Jerry Springer Show so special. Without further adieu here they are in no particular order:
5. Pizza Man Christopher
31 years old and recently de-virginized falling into a classic trap of not being able to afford market rates for hooker services. So he wants to cut out the middle man and just have free sex. Maybe not the most savvy business man but you have to respect the hustle. Finding out she doesn't really like pizza was devastating. Forget the heartbreak and focus on the bigger message. These two were never meant to be. Jerry's Perfect 10 joke is legit why he's the king of this shit.
4. Hillbilly Karate Kid
Bologna sandwiches? What the fuck is going on here fellas. The Heart of America. That's what. A man raised on the backbone of processed meats and the VCR. Centuries from now history will reflect this is the most dangerous version of the human race: a horny delusional man with nothing to lose. And even so I can't take my eyes off him. Jerry navigates this flawlessly, a fact made more impressive by the knowledge that everything was unscripted and hidden from Jerry. He had no idea what the issues were or what the guests would say in order to maintain authenticity. A+ fight.
3. Breaking Into Porn
Certainly not the easiest industry to penetrate from the amateur side so you can respect the effort. End of the day it's all about the money and the grind. You can't be a porn star if you don't make porn. That logic plays at all levels the first 2 minutes of this video and it's the perfect example of where Jerry Springer thrives. Living in the mud and the chaos of the dredges of society, then marketing the guests as Porn Stars. Your brain is too subconsciously horny to accept all outward indications that this is low grade porn, not the classics under the trending tab. Even so you still watch and enjoy. Nature of the beast my friends.
2. Steve Tosses Audience Member
Nobody broke up a fight in the 90's faster than Steve Wilkos. He became a legend for a reason, and this is the perfect embodiment why. Flying in over the top with elbows the second the fight breaks out. Aggressively administering justice in front of a studio audience. Controlling the crowd. Picking on a douchebag with big fluffy hair. Everything about this is why Steve Wilkos went from security guard to house hold name. He was the enforcer at a time America was learning you needed that to navigate these difficult conversations. His presence allowed for the fist fights. Like an insurance policy for the producers. Long live one of the all time great Steves.
1. World Record Holder For Banging Dudeshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU6ERZ0Z1bU&feature=emb_title
You tune into Jerry Springer to be astonished and let me tell you something guys. 300 dudes in 10 hours is some kind of accomplishment. That's like the size of a mid-market manufacturing company and all in the span of one business day. Sure makes for an interesting twist on the company picnic.
Also makes you wonder how much stuff out there Jerry had to cut from the show. Like what's the stuff the producers found too risky? We had him on Red Line Radio to talk about this kinda shit and I would say it was awesome. Maybe not a childhood hero but certainly a guy that introduced me to a lot of things at a young age. Maybe that's why I'm so messed up. Tuen into the interview to see for yourself. Subscribe to the YouTube page while you're there. It's actually a huge help.