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The 49 Other States Are Not Ready For Ohio State's Future Heisman Winning QB To Have A Blonde Mullet

Dear God please if I could just ask for one thing in this world, it would be for the time to jump to whenever this guy is leading the Buckeyes. Could you imagine? That arm. That mullet. Folks that's a combination of Pat Mahomes, Joe Dirt, and Jesus Christ. And the other 49 states of this country are going to HATE IT. I'm sure if he went anywhere else he'd be the country's sweetheart, but for whatever reason that is unbeknownst to me, that's not how it works with the Buckeyes. You thought people hated Aaron Craft? Wait until John Daly's long lost grandson is out here slinging dimes from the hip every Saturday. 

The haters in the replies are already stirring. A bunch of Colin Cowherds pointing out that real QBs keep their hair clean cut like Tom Brady and Peyton Manning.  "I see a lot of batted down balls in his future". "Looks like Uncle Rico throwing the ball out there"


Boys, I sense some jealousy. Not only that the #1 rated QB in the 2022 class has committed to Ohio State, but because that mullet would look damn good at your SEC schools. That's the only thing that has me nervous right now. This dude just screams Alabama, doesn't he? Lock this man up and throw away the key, Coach Day. He's going to be a national treasure and I've only seen a couple highlights and his newest haircut. Saban is probably plotting in his basement with 100 boxes of oatmeal cream pies right now on how to steal him. Won't come out until he's got a master plan or runs out of cream pies.

Regardless, he's a Buckeye commit and the rich are only getting richer..

Not to mention the other two nationally ranked guys that have been patiently waiting their turn behind Justin Fields. I'll say this: I don't understand why 5-star recruits go right after 5-star recruits. I get that they have never been beaten out in their life and they don't plan on starting that any time soon, but one year from now either the 7th rated QB in his class or the 1st rated QB in his class will be riding the pine. Or maybe even both. One of these two will be playing for another school before it's all said and done. And I hate to tell the one on the right, but if he doesn't develop some swagger here soon, it's going to be him. Quinn Ewers is going to be able to run for Governor of Ohio one day....