I Have Received The Most Outrageous Advertising Promo Offer In World History, I Just Need $1,000,000 Cash To Claim It

Listen I'm not one to blog about my personal life much but I checked my email this morning and I had to share this one with the boys. Am I reading this correctly? Charles Schwab, a bank in which I have no qualms with whatsoever except for them apparently thinking that I have a minimum of $250,000 cash lying around in a checking account, is offering me the chance of a lifetime. For a mere quarter million dollar new deposit into one of their taxable accounts, they will foot the bill on two rounds of golf. 

Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure the list of golf courses that you can play at includes some very nice ones. But they directed me to the ones up in my neck of the woods, and uhh, what……?

No disrespect to the country clubs on this list, but we're not even talking about Jack Nicklaus's Muirfield here. You can play Silver Lake for $25 if you're a member and $54 if you're a guest. If you think that's going to incentive ANYONE to drop a quarter milly into your account then you're crazy. But that's not even the craziest thing on the email (aside from sending this out to your mailing list of part-time bloggers that make an undisclosed amount just shy of what you need for this deal). That comes from Tier 2 of the offer….

To get you to move up to the next level, they will toss in ONE DOZEN golf balls. Pick up the phone now because this offer will not last long.

I literally had to check my calendar see if it was April 1st when I read this. Because this is more insulting than a $50 gift card to the Barstool store. But I can just picture it now: it's probably an absolute madhouse across the country right now as everyone is calling their financial managers telling them to sell everything and move it to Schwab. How else are you going to get Pro V1s? Unless you're one of the top 1% and have a spare 50 bucks lying around….

All of these millionaires that have been sitting around trying to decide if they want to jump into this thing called the Stock Market, well here's your time to do it. I know the market is at an all time high, but 12 golf balls…..

I won't even get into the fact that their top tier is asking for a MILLION DOLLAR investment, but they'll toss in 6 rounds of golf, a new driver, and of course 12 new golf balls. How could you say no? Unless that person with spare million bucks to make a new deposit into a taxable account already has a driver. Then this might not work. What a weird promo with zero upside….