Apparently The Mormon Church Made A Shit Ton Of Money Off $GME Stock

KXAN - The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was one of those groups with “diamond hands,” making large profits from GameStop and Tesla stock earlier this year, documents show.

Recent security filings show the Church’s investment branch, Ensign Peak Advisors, purchased a large quantity of GameStop shares — 46,000 to be exact — near the end of 2020. At the time of that purchase, the stake was valued at under a million dollars, or $867,000.

Following the short squeeze of the video game retailer’s stock, which was catapulted by movement on a Reddit forum called “Wall Street Bets” in the first quarter of 2021, the value of that purchase has skyrocketed. Ensign Peak reported that those 46,000 shares were worth $8,732,000 at the end of the first quarter of 2021, meaning that the hedge fund made a profit of over 900% on its investment at that time.

The price of GameStop stock has fluctuated this week, but if Ensign Peak is maintaining “diamond hands,” and holding those shares, the stake would be worth $7,727,540 as of market opening time on Thursday.

Diamond Hands Mormons!!!! Fucking love those wacky religious bastards. When they aren't knocking on your door trying to spread the good word of Joseph Smith, they are on their stonk grind, buying and selling $GME like the rest of us idiots. And if they held, they would be up 900% on their investment, a cool $7 million into the church's pocket. Not too bad! 

I don't know how religion affiliations operate, but I love that there is a Mormon hanging out somewhere reading r/WSB, refreshing Elon's Twitter, and making memes. An Elder loading up Dave's DDTGG streams every morning, deciding which stocks to buy based on what Scrabble letters he draws out of a bag. And does every religion do this? Does the Pope have a stock guy? And when the stocks go down, is there an email that goes around that says they need to put more pressure on the church folks to up their dowry? 

And the Mormons are apparently huge Elon guys too…

Interestingly, Ensign Peak also cashed in on Tesla stock, growing its holdings of Musk’s company to a stake value of $433 million, according to the same regulatory filings.

These sons of bitches. When you see the next Mormon coming to your door dressed to the nines in Armani suits, now we know why. Good for the Mormons.