The Mariners Are Apparently Calling Up Some Guy Named Jarred Kelenic On Thursday

So I noticed I was getting tagged in this tweet as I was watching highlights of Edwin Diaz being the most electric closer in baseball but I'm not sure why. Maybe people think I'm a Mariners fan since Mariners and Mets are (probably) next to each other in Major League Baseball team names when you sort alphabetically? 

Is being the number 3 overall prospect in the minors even good? This guy Jarred Kelenic seems pretty decent if you like five tool players that play center field. Me? I always preferred guys like Adam Dunn that could do one thing great, which was hit the everliving dick out of the baseball. I've seen Kelenic mash, but only in BP.

This Jarred guy doesn't even spell his name right. Everyone knows it is spelled J-A-R-E-D like my coworker The Rocket, who is currently the king of Baseball Jareds until further notice thanks to his devotion to growing the sport and being married to the game with the number 1 baseball show on the internet in Starting 9. Jarred sounds like something you do to store bought sauce, which no self-respecting Mets fan would ever buy!

Ahhhhh fuck it, who am I kidding? Jarred Kelenic getting called up the same day the Mets put Jacob deGrom on the IL is very much business as usual since I swear all of Kelenic's biggest games in 2019 happened the same day Edwin Diaz blew his biggest saves. But I am going to wish Jarred Kelenic the very best in the Bigs for three very simple reasons:

1. I hate service time manipulation

2. The sooner Kelenic's service time starts, the sooner Uncle Stevie can sign him once he becomes a free agent because Bobby Axe always gets what he wants

Source:

3. I don't want things to be weird between Jarred and I once he comes here to continue the Mets dynasty that began in 2021

So congrats on your future arriving this week, Mariners fans. Excuse me, OUR future since I have Kelenic in my fantasy keeper league as well.

Now if you will excuse me, I am going to drown the sound that Jarred Kelenic's bat makes when it his a round piece of cowhide with the most incredible entrance music in the game today and enjoy my team that has won five in a row on their way to winning 96 games in the first season of their new billionaire super owner (Don't mind me, I'm just blogging through it M's fans).